


I Will Carry You

by AnnaLiss17



Series: Legacies [1]
Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Awesome Frigga (Marvel), Bottom Loki (Marvel), Breaking Up & Making Up, Depression, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki and Thor Are Not Related, M/M, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Odin (Marvel)'s A+ Parenting, Pregnancy, Protective Thor (Marvel), Suicidal Thoughts, Thor (Marvel) Feels, Top Thor (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-06-18 20:29:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 30,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15494052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaLiss17/pseuds/AnnaLiss17
Summary: Loki cried every time he lost a child. In his life time he cried four times.The fifth one was approaching.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki makes a decision.

When the morning rays of the sun hit through the curtains, Loki being right in their direction, squinted his closed eyes and rolled his back to them with a tired sigh. Last night has been... celebrated in so many ways. Everyone seemed, and still does, so happy. Excluding Thor, who was a happy Asgardian by nature. The elders often tell that Thor was born happy, lives happy, and that he will eventually die happy.

The others were happy for an unknown reason yet. The feast was great, the alcohol was plenty, the peace was restored. In all honesty, Loki wanted to ask many of them why were they being so joyful... he wanted to feel like them too. He wanted to laugh at his problems and drink with his friends. He doesn't even know how to laugh anymore... and his friends are a number below one.

Loki found no reason why to even open his eyes. The sun was shining, brightly as his orbits felt, but it wasn't strong enough to enlighten the darkness in his heart. "Mmmm..." A moan of pain came from the other side of the bed (Obviously not from the alcohol consumed so much last night) and a strong arm wrapped around his naked back before pulling him closer.

"Why are you not resting, brother?" A deep and tired voice asked him. Loki nearly smiled. Leave it to Thor, even in an advanced state of hungover with a hurting body and thumping head, to worry about him first thing in the morning. "Neither you nor I have any duties for today. Let us rest together for a little more before the duties arrive."

"Hush now." The younger one pressed a gentle hand to his lover's chest before raising from the bed. "I promise your arms will not miss my body for too long." Thor smiled and gave Loki a little push with his foot saying wordlessly ' _Hurry. Then hurry back to me.'_ Loki suppressed a laugh as he made his way to the bathroom.  Out of all the universes, planets, places existent... Thor was the only one who could get out a genuine laugh or smile from Loki.

How Loki despised that.

He despised the effect Thor had on him with deep passion. He wanted to be left alone and go through his pain alone, yet _**he**_ was there to make it better. When Loki wanted to cry Thor wouldn't let him. When Loki wanted to be alone, Thor wouldn't leave him. He tried his hardest to make Thor hate him, but the harder he tried it felt as if the more Thor loved him. And he hated Thor for that. For making him feel the same way.

Once with the door securely closed, he fought the urge to spill his stomach's contents until he was certain the loud snore of his brother ran through the room by taking deep breaths and concentrating on anything else. He... this was something not even Thor could fix. After he emptied his stomach for the first, but not the last, time in that day, Loki carried on with everything else as it was just another ordinary day.

Four...

He nestled himself in his brother's embrace, who wrapped his muscular arms around his lithe body similar to a bear hugging a snake and welcomed the tight grip that came with it. Tears welled up in his eyes, but he forced them back. Now is not the time to cry... but he can't help to mourn already the loss of something that isn't lost yet. Four times... four times he cried in his life.

The fifth was approaching.

He cried whenever he lost a child. Four times. Four cries. Four children... This was the fifth time he was carrying. The only difference so far made was that he did not bother to share the news with his lover. Surely, this child will join his (or her) brothers and/or sisters in the afterlife soon enough. Loki had sworn to himself after the last time that if he were to carry again he will not get attached nor he will mourn it.

... He was so depressed. And desperate. Heavily disappointed with himself. Not only because he was obviously unable to carry a child, but because he deprived Thor of the fatherhood's joy four times in a row. Thor deserved everything Loki didn't. Which is why Loki plans to end their love today or tonight, leave their room (probably the castle as well) hide until this baby dies as well and mourn it alone.

What hurt as much as the loss did, Loki thought caressing his sleeping lover's cheek, was the giant smile and genuine happiness Thor expressed whenever he was informed he was to become a father. He always let out the most joyful laugh, picking up his lover like a toy and spinning him around. Over the four losses, that part hasn't changed in the slightest.

With each pregnancy, the God of Thunder believed that this was their one chance at achieving the highest possible miracle life had to give... until it was snatched right from their hands. Thor never lost hope. Loki never had it again after his first miscarriage. Which is why, after giving the future king of Asgard the night of his life, the day beginning with a smile and the night ending in the same way, Loki was ready to leave.

He himself couldn't truly believe he was ready to go through this again.

Thor did not deserve to be hopeful a fifth time.

Loki couldn't stand to see a hopeful Thor a fifth time.

"My love, why are you parting from the sheets again?" A sleepy, which Loki found very adorable as well due to his hormones kicking in, half awake still growing blonde ape asked him. The younger man took the palm held out to pull him back and kissed it replying swiftly.

"I simply cannot stand you anymore."

Thor gave an amused chuckle and turned to the other side of the bed. Green eyes watched him with sadness and sorrow. The man who deserved everything had nothing. Loki who deserved next to nothing had everything by having Thor. Things could not stay like this anymore. It wasn't fair...

_'The balance needs to be restored.'_

Loki thought to himself as he quietly slipped out of the room.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor is worried when he doesn't find Loki.

When Thor awoke again, more rested than before, with the headache ceased a bit, he made a vow to never drink again like he drank last night. A vow, which he knew he would eventually break. Still meaningful to him at that moment, although. Realising the sheets were his only company, he rose from the bed instantly. Loki promised to come back, but he did not keep his word. Forgetting all about his pain, Thor dressed and went to look for his wandering lover. 

"Loki? Brother, are you here?" Thor called out. He wasn't in the bed... he might be in the room and just ignore him. Checking the bathroom, there no signs of Loki ever even walking in. Thor's worry was growing fast. The past years they have been practically inseparable, together or not too far apart. He had grown accustomed to Loki being around, and the mere thought of him not being around made his mind grow with worry and invent all kinds of surreal scenarios.

The kitchen maids said they have not seen the young man in quite a long time since his prison release (Loki never ate outside his room anymore). He almost asked his Mother when he met with her but decided against it. Loki loved her as if she was his true mother. Her true son mustn't worry her with possible nothings. Eventually, he ended up in the library and managed to hide his relief quite well when he was told that Loki came since morning and hasn't left yet.

The said man sat in a more retreated and darkened corner. Two chairs resting face to face, one where he sat and the other he used to rest his legs on. He did not look up from his book, although he was aware he was not alone anymore and had a good guess who came to seek him. No one seeks him anymore. "You have been looking for me." He stated, his own calmness being equal with his brother's agitation.

"Of course I was." Thor replied, his deep voice sounding so loud at its normal state that he was immediately shushed. He looked away blushing, a bit ashamed, as Loki turned the page. Lowering substantially his voice, Thor leaned his head towards the dark-haired man. "I was worried about you." It was not a great way to start his day after having such a great night.

"Thought that Odin murdered me in my sleep?" The horror that crept Thor's heart at that moment along with Loki's serenity about it was indescribable. For a split of second Thor actually wondered if his brother had gone on lands beyond recuperating and mentally shook his head. He promised Loki he will never need to fight his demons alone after his prison release.

He will not break his promise.

He opened his mouth to protest that he will never allow anyone in Asgard to touch him the wrong way. That first, they will have to get through himself and the Mjölnir both before they could think of getting to touch even a hair of his little brother's head. But the younger one continued his thoughts with the same serenity, life and death being equal in his eyes.

"Oh, you're right. The Allfather would never stain his porcelain hands with the blood of a Jötun, silly me." He gave a broken laugh, that sounded nothing like it was supposed to. All the time he spent screaming in his cell had put their mark on his sanity and body actions. Laughing did not seem normal anymore. Not to him at least. "Someone else would be sent instead to do this job."

"How can you say that?" Thor asked, shocked by his brother's choice of words. Again, he forgot where he was and he shushed by the librarian who knew them since before they could talk. And a few other people as well. "May we speak somewhere else?" What sounded like a question was actually a plead. Thor and the library never got along. Any library in general. He preferred to do his studying in battles on the battlefield.

Green eyes finally looked up into blue eyes. "Yes, I was intending to speak you as well." He gave the book to his brother to put it away before he rose. His limbs needed a moment before they could function normally again. Thor almost threw it away, grateful on the inside to be leaving this place. "Careful with that, it's older than your father!" He hissed, a bit harsher than he intended to. 

Damn the hormones. 

When the librarian turned to them again, red-faced with anger, and more than ready to snap at the two, Loki pressed a finger to his lips. "Quiet. This is not the place to create noise." He whispered taking Thor's hand in his, dragging him away. After they were out it was Loki who was being dragged. Where? He had no idea. Which was fun, because mysteries are fun! They stop being fun when they stop being mysteries.

The castle had many servants, many ears to hear and report what they hear. The walls had eyes as well... metaphorically speaking. Because nothing escapes the Allfather. And if it does, either by mistake or by intention, it will certainly not go unseen by Heimdall. He was more than surprised when he realized where his loved one was dragging him to. Odin and Frigga's chamber. And he was impressed with Thor's smart thinking.

No one would ever suspect their beloved King of treason, which is why his room was the least listened on of the entire realm.

With the door securely closed, and a cautious look outside before closing it, they were finally free to speak their mind. "We haven't done it in here before, have we?"

"That is not why I sought you for." Thor replied hurt. Did Loki think all he wanted, all he loved, was his body and just that? After everything he had done for him? After everything they have been through? Walking up to Loki, Thor gently took his face in his large hands pressing their foreheads together. "Confess to me. What has been bothering you lately? Tell me and I shall get rid of it immediately." _Tell me how I can help you._

"Thor." Loki whispered breathed his name and almost... almost seemed like he was going to crack. But he pressed his hand on his lover's chest and pulled away from him. Clearing his voice, Loki crossed his arms behind his back taking a more diplomatic tone and posture.

"Recently... I have reached to a conclusion, after a very long dispute with myself... and I think it's time, and best, that we end our relationship and go on separate ways."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki tells Thor what he wants. Thor doesn't like it.

Thor's heart clenched when he realized just how serious Loki was. He took a deep breath and hoped, begged silently, for this to be a trick. He promised himself he won't get mad if this turned out to be a trick. But it didn't... Loki was serious as ever. With hands folded behind his back and a stern look on his face. "Why?" He asked. What he meant to sound as an angered demand turned out to be a strangled plead for enlightening.

Loki looked at the walls, the floor, the door behind Thor, anywhere where he couldn't meet his brother's eyes. The old Loki would be dancing around the room out of happiness for finally managing to hurt Odin's trueborn son's to the core. The present Loki wants it all to end... but what exactly does he want to end? Everything and nothing. The illusion of... what is in truth the reality.

"I feel that... things are not going where I want them to go anymore." Nothing's going where he wants it to go. It feels as if with each step everyone moves forward, he is moving backward. "Trust me, brother. This is for the best." _I cannot allow you to feel what I feel. Killing you would not hurt you as much as my pain would._

Thor deserves to be happy.

Loki would rather give him up than have the warrior stay with him and have his own happiness gradually destroyed by the Jotun. Loki would rather die than see his Thor's beautiful smile falter with days until it's just a memory... the kind of memory that you can't remember anymore if it is true or not because it has been _**that**_ long.

"The best of what?" Thor fired back at him. "The best of my suffering?" _The last thing I ever want to do is make you suffer._ The blonde warrior approaches him and cradles his face in his large hands. "Loki. I can't understand, I am not smart like you." _You are beyond me_. "Last night... Last night was perfect. Why bother giving one more night of passion when you are set on leaving me?!"

"Because you are worth it." Loki replies, on the verge of tears. Bloody, **_bloody_** hormones. Quickly he distances himself from his brother and tries to make his leave before he turns into a heavily pouring fountain of tears. "If you excuse me now, I must gather my things from your room and move them back to mine. Worry not, I promise I will be fast and then you will not hear from me again."

A hand suddenly grasps his wrist making his advance towards the door stop. He doesn't turn around. He knows if he does, then he is ruined. So he draws a sharp breath. "Whatever I did, I'm sorry." Thor's voice cracks under the amount of heavy emotions he's not used to feel. Loki feels him shaking and... sobbing? "Please, tell me what I've done... I swear I will never do it again."

The Jotun couldn't hold his tears anymore. "You sentimental fool." Leave it to Thor Odinson to blame himself for something he had never done. Loki finally faces his brother and his fears. "Can't you see it's not you at fault? It's me!" He gestures to himself, trembling at how much he was letting his true self show out. Letting out at last just how awful he felt, to someone other than himself. "It's always been me."

Loki cries harder as a broken smile appears on his face. Thor's tears of pain fall because of his brother's pain. And the fact that he hasn't noticed until now. How could he have been so blind? "I cannot allow you to become the mess that I am! I will only ruin everything that gives you a reason to smile."

Thor chuckles bitterly and gently wipes Loki's tears. Loki is prettier when he smiles. "You are my reason to smile..." When did things get so bad? What about the good times? Where were those times when they would just play together, when Loki would stab Thor, and then they would play some more? "You say you ruin me by staying with me, but leave me and I will be unrecognizable."

_If I lose this child as well, I will be beyond recovery._

"I can't stay either. I must leave. You have to understand, I need to get away. I... just want everything to come to an end." He took so many lives on Midgard. Never even bothering to keep count, knowing SHIELD would throw the number in his face when the chance was given... but the four lives growing inside him that he had lost... they took his will to live. How could he live when four little hearts never saw the daylight?

Every time he sees a mother and her child he seems himself, he sees the it-should-have-been-us. Then he cries because it's just another answer to his ' _What if?'_ questions. Four stories that will never be told. Four people he never met, but misses them as if he had lost Thor four times. He never got to feel them move. He never got to hear them cry. He... he never got to hold them.

Forced to say _'Goodbye'_ before he could say _'Hello'._

So he turns around and runs out of the room. He runs and he cries and he hides. Then he cries harder as he clutches his stomach. "I swore I won't get attached, but I loved you before I could begin to hate you." He hides in his room and doesn't even bother going to take his things. He needs to be alone. "The anticipation of losing you doesn't make my pain easier."

And so he cries himself to sleep.

The next morning he heads out and dreads that he must go to the dining room. Thor would most likely be there. But the child inside him craves food like crazy. Loki feels like he was starving, but he had eaten last at midnight. With a cleaned face, a forced smile and lots of courage, he enters the room and feels how everything comes to a stop for a second.

The maids are shocked to see him again, Odin looks up from his plate (he manages very well to hide his surprise, then he goes back to eat as if it was just another family morning, long before Loki found out with who his true blood lays), Frigga smiles at him encouragingly, and Thor... Thor doesn't look up from his plate. But when he understands just who came in he rises from the table.

Loki tries his hardest to keep his composure when Thor starts moving towards him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At a family breakfast, Odin addresses a sensitive matter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Loki is a cannoical intersex character in the comics. But this story follows the movies, where Loki is a male. It's because of Tom that I just can't bring myself to view Loki with boobs or a vagina. 
> 
> But he is male able to carry a child.

Imagine Loki's surprise when instead of storming out of the room, or hitting him (although he would never really do that to him again unless the situation forced him to), or anything else than gently taking his face in his hands and kissing him. _Is this a trick? No, it can't be. I am the trickster!_ "Come, my love. In this bright beautiful day, breaking fast with the family is a lovely idea."

Loki allowed himself to be dragged towards the table and seated next to his brother because his mind was trying to figure out what was happening. Hadn't he ended things with Thor? Why is he behaving as if yesterday's events never occurred? The thoughts were pushed to the back of his mind as his food was served and the baby reminded him why were they there in the first place.

Thor's hand grasped his under the table and even though he tried to let it go, the grip was stronger. So he had to comply, and eat with only one hand. There was a very awkward silence at the table in Loki's opinion. Odin for the sake of his wife and son doesn't say anything to or about the Jotun at their table. After his prison release their relationship hit an entirely new and inexistent before, level of cold.

Frigga, sweet Frigga, who always tried to keep him on the good-natured path, who will fight for him as if he was her true born son until her last breath, tried to maintain things as natural as possible so Loki would not feel excluded or awkward (kind of a failure, but a sweet try nonetheless). And Thor... well this morning, Thor was the definition of strange. For a separated couple, the Asgardian was playing his part terribly.

"Loki." This first word spoken to him by Odin in months of ignoring each other was his name and the trickster shivered involuntarily. He looked up to the Allfather, his expression unreadable, but his hand gripped Thor's tighter under the table and held his breath. "While I accepted you as my son when you were all but an infant. I saved you from your death, I gave you a life others dreamed to have but never did."

Loki stands with his back straight and looks at Odin narrowing his eyes in pure defiance. "Your point?" He snarls, breathing out in anger. _By the nine, please don't say what I imagine you're about to say. Anything but that!_

"I allowed you back in my home when your home was supposed to be a cell of Asgard, one which at the time you were not worthy of either. While I still do not support your relationship with my only son, all ask I back from you is an heir. Remember that I know even if you are a male, your Jotun heritage allows your male body to carry a child."

Loki closes his eyes, his mind taking and memorizing every agonizing word, blocking his tears. He was freed from his cell, his crimes pardoned, only because he was expecting his first child with Thor. Nobody allowed him to forget that... but how can he truly forget, when it was also the first child that he had lost?

"And what if I refuse to?" He asks shakily. "What if I will never give you the child that you so exasperatedly want, only to put a crown on its head?" In all honesty, he'd rather be declared sterile publicly than have his child be modeled by Odin. But Loki fears more and more that he truly is incapable of carrying. What will happen to him then? How many miscarriages can Thor still stand before he leaves him for a fertile bride?

"Then I will find my son someone who can." The Allfather replies quietly, knowing the reaction that will be caused by his statement. A King must do what King must do and that's that. "And you will return back to your cell, where you truly belong." Sometimes a boy to become a man must do unpleasant things as such. If everything were to be easy, then anyone could be a ruler.

It takes just one second for everything to blow. Loki storms out cursing the day Odin found him alive out loud wishing he wouldn't have taken him. A powerful lightning strikes the sky and nearly hits the castle, the spoon Thor was holding with his free hand broken long ago. Frigga shakes her head slowly. She understands, and she despises in silence.

This is one of the very few moments when she asks herself if they would have been happier as an ordinary Asgardian family instead of the royal one.

"Loki!" Thor calls after his brother raising from the table as well. Another thunder breaks the darkening sky as his gaze turns to his father's. "I curse the day my beautiful mother chose you as her husband! At this moment I would have been happier as Silas' son than I am to be yours." He hisses with hatred before he goes to look for his younger sibling.

Silas was the man Frigga was supposed to marry if Odin wouldn't have chosen her as his wife and Queen. Neither Thor nor Loki ever met him in person or saw a portrait of him. Odin never speaks of the past, and Frigga never speaks of him. The rare times she does, she is always claiming that they wouldn't have worked as a pair. There was attraction, but there was not love. There were assimilations, but many more differences.

"I will see of my sons' needs." She says standing from the table, her plate unfinished. "If everything is alright by the sunset, I might consider speaking to you again." And she leaves the dining room in a hurry. Odin may have banished one son and imprisoned the other, but he never acted against his wife when she acted against him.

Knowing that Thor is doing the same, and knowing that Loki doesn't want to be found excludes his room and the library and his hiding places. Too obvious and easy to find. A sad smile covers her face. When Loki was a child, whenever he wanted to be alone he would go to the abandoned side of their castle. The scarier parts that were said to be haunted by the same works who had died building them.

Actually, the ignored side consisted of ancient rooms used by the Kings tens of thousands of years ago to plan either a war or a strategical betrayal. Loki found them as a child by mistake when he would refugee himself to be alone and at peace. Frigga knows that because one day he claimed he was going to run away. After not showing up for over two days, sick with worry, she used her magic to find him.

Then she promised him she will keep this place a secret.

"Fancy meeting you here, I did not expect not being the only presence here."

And Loki gives a small chuckle at her words, although it was not in his intention. Alright, there are two people in this universe who can effortlessly make him smile genuinely. When she holds out her hand, he takes and gives him a reassuring squeeze to know he is not alone. Never was and never will be. He looks into her eyes and to her, he becomes again the little boy that he used to be.

Wordlessly Frigga pulls Loki into a much-needed hug and he clings to her as if she is his only lifeline in a bottomless ocean.

A mother always knows what's best for her children.


	5. Gadreel And The Princess (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frigga learns a secret, and she takes a nostalgic small trip to the memory lane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the next two will be the only ones with titles. They contain a small hint of the story's ending.

Neither of them knows exactly how much time passed before they pulled away, and neither of them remembers which one retreated first.

"Mother. I..." Bringing his fist to his mouth, Loki cleared his throat and took a diplomatic posture folding his hands behind his back. "I apologize for any discomfort I brought to you in this morning." He says refusing to meet her eyes again. "I hope that you can continue to enjoy the rest of the day. Or, at least, pretend to." He wants to pretend that nothing happened and go on with his life.

"If you are apologizing to me, my son, then I must apologize to you as well." Loki looks up in surprise, but he already knows she's not joking. Many times over he asked himself how Thor came out so joyful and managed to stay like that throughout his life. Right now, he asked himself that question once more. Frigga's hand reaches up and cups his cheek. He notes that her palm is soft against his skin and full of care.

He wants to tears apart his gaze from hers, and finds out that he can't. If she's having him under a spell, it is a bloody good one. "If you see so." He replies. "I'll have you know, I will forgive you if you tell me what am I forgiving you for?" Whatever it was, it wasn't like Loki didn't appreciate apologies towards him. They mean that he was right and the other person was on the wrong side.

But Frigga had done nothing to top Odin or Thor's doings and actions towards him. "For not being there for you when you needed me." She looked into his eyes and spoke with the utmost sincerity. "You may not think of me as your true mother, but I think of you as my own son. I have done wrong by you and if I can't fix it, then I will apologize for it."

Loki can honestly say that in his lifetime he cried only four times.

The first three times for the first three children that he had lost. After the fourth one, he became numb to the pain. A lifeless Jotun with a still beating heart. The fourth time he cried when he realized he fell in love with this child as well when he swore to himself he won't get attached. He had a feeling that the fifth time he is going to cry was approaching. But now he wasn't sure anymore if it would be from losing another child.

"Mother, I..." The Jotun finds himself at loss of words. Unable to think about to do or what to say next. So, he blurts out in one breath everything that's on his heart. "I'm carrying again and I'm scared. I don't want to lose this baby as much as I didn't want to lose the others... and in the end, I did. And I will. And I'm tired. I know the process, I know the result, and yet I relive the pain like the first time over and over again. And I feel that I can't take it anymore."

In a rare moment of tenderness, the things he had done because of this baby (emotionally speaking), he poured out his heart to her. She might not be his biological mother, but sure as Hel he would never consider another woman to fit that empty place beside her.

Frigga takes a moment, absorbing everything Loki had shared with her. Then she smiles.

She smiles because inspiration had come and she knew exactly what to do. "Before you say anything more, I will say something first. You will sit and you will listen." Taking his arm in her, she guided him through the tunnels for a long while. Opening a secret door that led right to her chambers, she guided him to the bed and motioned for him to sit down with her. "I am going to tell you a story."

Loki raised his eyebrows in surprise, looked at her, looked at the secret passage, then back at her. "I have about a dozen questions about what just happened, and I don't think your story is going to answer any of them." How? What? Since when? For how long?... Huh?

Frigga smiles again. Even after one thousand and five hundred years, she manages to amaze her child. She likes to take it a sign that she had done her part of parenting right. Patting the bedside beside her, he ignored his words and continued with hers. "It used to be your favorite story from when you were much shorter than me." And she sees realization dawning on him.

"The story of Gadreel and the Princess?" Loki chuckles, his cheek turning a little pink from embarrassment. "Mother, it's been over a thousand years." He says sheepishly before adding. "And I've heard it over a thousand times." At his own request, of course. He loved it so much he wouldn't sleep without hearing it. And once he had learned it word by word he began telling it to himself at night.

Then he grew up and he grew out of it.

"And you will hear it once more." Frigga declared. Rather than to fight the woman who taught him magic and how to use it, Loki complies and lays down with his head in her lap. Just like when he was a child. After all, what's the worst that can happen?

Secretly, he was quite curious as well on what his mother was meaning to aim with this ancient bed time story.

* * *

  _ **A very long time ago, when the seven realms did not even know the meaning of war, long before they were named and boundaries were set, on the coldest yet unnamed place ruled a Princess. Her palace was made of ice just as her heart was. Her hair was blue and so were her eyes, her skin pale almost blue as well, and she wore the most beautiful blue dress ever made. Her appearance matched her personality.**_

_**Cold as nothing that ever was before.** _

_**But it was not always like that, and only the elders still remember vaguely the period when the sun still shone. They happily told the children how the grass looked like, how it felt under their toes when they could still walk with their feet bare. They reminisced on how the sun touched their skin, brightly shining, bathing them in its heat. And most importantly, they shared how the Ice Princess was once warm and normal.** _

_**A blonde haired girl with the biggest and brightest blue eyes known so far spread happiness wherever she went. The Kingdom loved and she loved her Kingdom. By then she was not seen doing anything else besides playing outside with her brother from sunrise till sunset. Even when the royal family would go into their Kingdom, visiting their people and see of their needs, they would still play.** _

_**She loved her mother. She loved her father. She loved her people. But most of all, she loved her dear only older brother. The years passed and from a young Princess, she grew into a beautiful young lady who had the world at her feet. But what she did not foresee, was that fate had other plans for her. During a particularly cold winter, where the first sightings of ice were beginning to appear, her brother fell ill.** _

_**Long have tried the castle's healers to get the young man back on his feet, even healers from other realms, both known and unknown, traveled to their Kingdom and tried their luck. None of them succeeded. The Queen, never leaving her son's bedside for long, soon fell sick as well. Healers. Witches. Wizards. All of them, who presented themselves at the castle, came with a cure they claimed to be miraculous that worked wonders.** _

_**But the Queen and the Prince were still sick, and their health was getting worse if anything. Their bodies were deteriorating. The more they ate, the more they vomited. The more they drank, the thirstier they were. The more they slept, the less they lived. Soon, both of them were too weak to rise from the bed. However, there was one woman, said to be a witch, a commoner who had not tried anything yet.** _

_**She claimed they were as good as gone from the moment the sickness entered their bodies. And did not even bother wasting her time and strength trying to do the impossible. The Princess was having none of it. If she could not heal her brother, then she swore she would not rest until everyone had tried to. Until the last man standing announced outloud that his or her cure had not worked the wonder that it should have.** _

_**And against her father's commands, she went to confront the said witch.** _

_**"Please, just try." The Princess begged. "You welcomed me in your house with open arms, you might be the one who can save my brother and mother. And if it shall not work, then at least I will sleep at night knowing there truly was nothing else left to be done." But the said witch was unmoved by the girl's pleads. She knew a lost cause when she saw one, for she was not a witch but a very well skilled healer.** _

_**What she said she could do was to end their suffering.** _

_**A single cup of a special drink mixed with a rare snake's venom (right from the fangs) could end their pain, but their life as well. The Princess refused vehemently. She will not have them killed. Not when there was still time and hope for the better. Every night, she would tell her brother how much they will play when he gets better, how many games they would invent together. And how in one summer sunny day, she will attend his coronation.** _

_**After two full moons, the Queen and the Prince were pronounced dead**_.


	6. Gadreel And The Princess (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frigga's story continues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YHWH is pronounced 'Yahweh'

_**The Prince and the Queen died in their sleep.** _

_**Or so it was said.** _

_**If they were in pain, they were unable to tell. When they died they were said to be unrecognizable, different as sky and earth from what they used to look like. Both of them so thin that the workers were too afraid to lift their lifeless bodies in fear they would crumble under their touch with bones visible through their skin, just a single layer away from being able to touch them truly.** _

_**The entire realm mourned them, but none more than the widowed King and his lovely little Princess. After the loss of her brother, she became an entirely different person. She dressed in a blue gown she was supposed to wear to her brother's coronation ceremony that was meant to be in a full moon from their death when winter will end and summer will begin again, and she refused to take it off again.** _

_**The Kingdom was wearing mourning clothes, but she was the only one who was outshining. The people whispered that she went mad, they pitied their King, and they all asked themselves the same question. What was going to happen next?** _

_**The day their bodies were to be burned, so they could be with the Gods in the afterlife, she cried harder than anyone else. Spotting the woman who had refused to try treating her brother in the crowd of people, the Princess went berserk. She called the woman a traitor, screamed her pain and vowed to have her revenge even if it is the last thing she will ever have.** _

_**The bed-like pyre made of wood stakes which the lifeless bodies of the Prince and the Queen were resting on, suddenly had one break from the ties, rise and stand tall, while the others remained perfectly still. The woman found herself captured to that stake and it all happened in a blink of an eye, just as the King gave the nod to his men allowing them to light the pyre with the burning torch.** _

_**The Princess in a moment of fit, of rage and sorrow, mad with grief, used her magic to condemn her life and tied her to the stake. The fire was spreading fast, and she took one last look at the woman. "You could have been my brother's savior, but you chose not to help." She said spitefully. "I can be your hero, but I will choose not to." With that, she turned her back to that woman and walked away.** _

_**Some of the braver soldiers tried to step into the fire, but they were all thrown back by an invisible force. The Princess' magic was allowing her and only her to do so. The King was unable to do anything, for he was a warrior and not a sorcerer, but watch as the last bit of humanity left inside his little girl burned away with her sweet brother.** _

_**Amazing, how much one person can change because of another and terrifying at the same time when the change takes a turn for the worse.** _

_**"Fool! You're a fool! You knew just as well as I did there was nothing that could have been done." The woman shouted furiously. But the Princess was stone cold to all around her. "YHWH knows better why He takes away some people from ahead of their time!" The fire was beginning to reach to her, the heat was becoming unbearable. Yet no one was coming to her aid.** _

_**The ceremony was considered sacred, and these were not just two ordinary villagers. If anything went wrong, if the fire didn't burn out, then it meant the respective deceased, be they who they are, royalties or commoners, won't be resting in peace and will spend the rest of the time struggling in pain. If the Princess could not have her brother walk on the same ground with her, then at least she will have him rest in peace.** _

_**Until she joins him in the afterlife.** _

_**The woman began to scream in pain as the fire reached her, and she died a terrible death. But not before she put a curse on the entire realm. She was not a witch, but her parents certainly were. And she was about to die just like they did. The King who had not stepped up to calm his daughter's temper when he should have done it more than ever, was cursed to die by her hand.** _

_**Because if he had taken action then, this story would have been over now.** _

_**The people who stood and watched an innocent life be taken, fully aware, were cursed to never see the sunlight again. Because it was what they all loved the most. The spring was magical, as they said. And they were cursed to never see it again. Winter shall become the only season that there was, and summer shall become just a beautiful memory of the past.** _

_**The perfect example of what it has become from what it used to be.** _

_**For one person's sins, an entire realm was paying. Did they like it? No. But the deed was already done and there is no turning from it now.** _

_**You can not change the past, which is why you must be very thoughtful about your future decisions and the consequences that they come with.** _

_**And the one who had caused it all, the sweet little girl who she used to be once, took the worst curse. To become exactly like her heart is. Her heart turned to ice, and so did her body. Her skin turned blue, her blonde hair turned blue with hints of ice in it, but her dress stayed the same. To match the blue blood that ran through her veins. And whatever bit of humanity, if there still was hidden in there somewhere, turned to cold-blooded hate.** _

_**The King, once he saw what turned of his last child, his only heir left, became frightened and disgusted. He had ordered his guards to slay her heart, to kill the monster before the monster killed them. The Princess would have been enraged, but her lips were frozen together making her unable to speak anymore. She did not need to say anything anyway.** _

_**Raising both of her hands in the air, blue light beginning to glow from her fingers tips, large icicles grew from the snowed ground, two times sharper than any of their swords. And with such speed, that if you blinked you would have missed it, the icicles flew right into the guards' throats and anyone else who wanted to end her life. Red blood painted the snow as each and every guard fell to the ground, forming around her a perfect circle of deceased bodies.** _

_**Ice blue eyes turned to the King, who begged for his life and his daughter to return to her old self, promising they will find a way to solve it all if she spared his life. But long gone was his little girl. The woman that she became was merciless. Her right hand began to glow again, and a sword of ice formed in her hand. The King fell to his knees before her, making one last attempt at her sympathy.** _

_**The last thing he saw, before he joined his wife and son in the afterlife, was the sword in his daughter's hand which in one quick move, that being the only merciful part on her behalf, slew his throat. And so the Ice Princess became the Ice Queen.** _

_**Knowing in time there will be others who will try to take her life and end her reign when it has just begun, the former Princess used her new sword and carved her heart of ice out of her chest. Using her magic, she sent it far, far, away from her realm. To the warmest place existent, that was just at the other side of the world.** _

_**And so, she became immortal.** _

_**Many years passed, and no one who had dared to take her life again saw the next day's snow. The people learned to mend for themselves and created new ways to stand the cold air. The Queen never left the castle anymore. Whispers about the now iced palace spread on how all she does all day long is to sit on her throne and just wait for another brave, yet fool, soldier, warrior, civilian, to take her life and watch them fail at it.** _

_**Gadreel was just a young boy, born into a large and poor family, who recently became of age. He was beyond fascinated by the Ice Queen, and learned everything he could from the little memories of his grandfather's on how everything used to be before the Ice Age, as people called it. Although she never came out of her palace, once a year, whenever the time of her brother's passing came around, the Ice Queen would go outside.** _

_**Right where her father had died, where her mother and brother had their bodies burned, she would fall to her knees and build a snow castle just like used to look in the old days. And then she would dance around it.** _

_**It happened once when Gadreel was out long after he should have been home, that he saw her.** _

_**And he fell in love.** _

_**Because she was not the monster the people made her to be. At least not in those particular days of the years. To him, she was beautiful and broken. And that made him fall harder for her, so he made it his vow. Not to slay the Ice Queen, but to bring her back to who she once used to be.** _

_**His father had taught him everything there was to teach about battles, fighting, and weapons' use. His grandfather provided him with precious information. His mother gave him everything she thought that would be of use to him. His siblings gave them all their blessings and promised to pray for his safe return as soon as he walked out through the door.** _

_**And so, Gadreel began his journey.** _


	7. Gadreel And The Princess (Part 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frigga's story comes to an end as her lesson comes to light. Things are put in perspective.

_**The road was long and difficult to travel by foot. Potential danger showed up in every way he looked, but nothing could tame Gadreel's determination. By the time he reached the warmest realm where the heart was said to be, he encountered two threats on his life, one that he chose to eliminate and the other to spare.** _

_**The life that he took during the day belonged a King's guard, who thought himself so highly that he bragged to others how in a fair fight he could kill the King himself. Seeing a foreigner step on his lands, he immediately threatened Gadreel. His money or his life. Gadreel provoked him to a fair fight instead. "You say you can take the King's life if you desire so, mine should not be a challenge then."** _

_**Coming from the land of snow, years of fighting with the unbearable weather, and used to slippery roads, coming to the land of summer gave Gadreel a substantial advantage. Easily disarming the guard in a few quick and swift yet smooth moves, Gadreel took his life to show the people that no one is higher or below them. And those with different training should not think so. Then he continued his journey.** _

_**The second attempt at his life came at night from a man entirely different from the first. This one was wearing clothes too ripped to be called so, dirty unshaved face with a skin color darker than the first man most likely from hours spent in the blazing sun. The guard threatened him with a sword, this one with a knife. A knife that wasn't desirable for anything else than cutting small things.** _

_**After disarming him with a single hand, the man began to cry and explain his life. He had a family of four, a sick wife and his mother-in-law all under the same roof. He works as an honest man, but at night he tries to find victims and convince them by force to give him their money. The man swore he never took a life and Gadreel believed him. More so, he chose to spare him.** _

_**Because this one was doing a bad deed out of extreme need. Life gave him no other option aside from dying in poverty. If would have been just him, then maybe he would've taken it. But he had a family to look after. Extremely grateful for the winter traveler's understanding, he invited the young man to spend the night at his house. Gadreel accepted as it was dark and he was tired and hungry.** _

_**The house was made of poor wood, it was small, and the young man had to watch his head at the door. Indeed they were a very poor family, but they accepted the stranger in the house without question and shared their little food with him at the roundtable where they all ate. They treated him with kindness and so, he decided to repay it. In the morning when he left, he purposely forgot his money bag there. It wasn't much, but it was all he had.** _

_**And he was certain it was more than they ever had.** _

_**Continuing his journey, he stopped at the entrance of a forest and took out his map. He was exactly where he was supposed to be to find the heart which is said to be in the forest's heart itself. He was so close and a heartfelt smile covered his face as he put back the map thinking about the day that he will get to see his Queen return to her old self. About the day she will stop dancing alone and they will start dancing together.** _

_**The moment he found the heart, beating, red, covered by small bits of ice, inside a glass cover, without thinking twice he moved the glass and took it in his hands bringing it to his chest. A powerful chilling feeling had him shook, but it felt as if they were one. Their hearts beat as one at that moment and the pain was worth it and a thousand times more.** _

_**And so, Gadreel hurried back home. Hurried and hurried. His body began to feel his realm's cold once again even if he was in the summer land still. He was shivering while cradling the heart to his chest. The people passing by him, going in the opposite direction, were wiping their foreheads of sweat. The more he was approaching his homeland, the colder everything felt.** _

_**His light skin began to turn blue bit by bit. Dressed in all of the clothes his mother packed of him and one fur he was wearing when he left couldn't warm him in the least. By the time he reached his homeland, his hair turned to small snowed over icicles, his eyes turned icy blue, and he was inhaling air and exhaling snow. He even passed his siblings, who were playing outside, but they did not recognize him.** _

_**He wouldn't have stopped anyway.** _

_**His legs carried him frozen as they were, but ten times more determined than frozen. Each and every one of his steps was leaving literal ice behind when he showed up before the castle's doors and barged in. Gadreel was changed beyond recuperating, and if there would have been any guards left in the castle, they would have murdered him on spot.** _

_**The Princess (that was her rightful title since there never was an official coronation ceremony) changed as well. Gadreel's love for her gave her life once again when his hands touched her heart and they became one, switching curses. The ice melted and her life came to her while he traveled back and so did all the years that she lived through without aging. Now she was an old wrinkled woman, short, with white hair.** _

_**Gadreel found it harder and harder to move as the ice took over his body, but he was so close to her. Dragging his body towards the throne, knowing the Princess needed her heart to have her youth returned to her as well, Gadreel leaned in with his last powers offering her the heart as people offer sacrifices to their much-adored Gods before he froze completely. Dying as he turned to ice from inside out.** _

_**The Princess leaned in as well, matching Gadreel's slow pace, her wrist shaking, her old fingers attempting to grasp the heart even a little bit. But as her age had reached her, the hand felt down as the Princess gave her last breath sinking back in her throne... With her death, summer returned to the realm. Snow melted. The ice melted. The forest was reborn. The sun rose, shining once again with its bright rays.** _

_**Rumor has it that after the death, the Princess was reunited with her brother and they played together once more. Then they proceeded to play for all eternity. Gadreel, as word goes around, had found his peace with his love. The Princess who in her natural look was far more beautiful than any sunrise described by the elders. He offered her hand and she took it. Then they began to dance, and dance, and dance...** _

_**And up to the present day, they still dance.** _

_**The legend says that somewhere in the coldest land still existent, the frozen body of Gadreel holding out the heart to the skeleton left behind by the Princess who tries to reach it as well, merely an inch away from each other, is waiting... waiting for a brave soldier to complete the task they never could and unite them in this life once and for all.** _

_**Because the afterlife to spend together is already theirs.** _

* * *

 At some point, while telling the story, Frigga absent-mindedly began to stroke her son's hair, who laid with his head in her lap with his eyes closed turning his mother's word in mental images. And they sat in a comfortable silence long after the story was told... she was still stroking his hair and if he minded it at first, now he wasn't. "Do you remember why you used to love this story so much?"

"Because it was the first tale that did not have a happy ending." Loki answered immediately. "I loved it because they were so close and yet never further apart from each other." _I loved it because one day I dreamed to become the brave soldier and finish the task myself._ "Still, I can hardly imagine what part of this story shall miraculously make me feel better. After all, as a child, I asked you everything there was to ask about this story."

Rising from the bed, Loki turned to look into a mirror conveniently placed in the room. He was a mess and he looked worse than one. Frigga's reflection showed up behind him. One hand touched his shoulder and the other gently took his face and titled it to the right side until their eyes met. "Allow me to remind you that you promised me in your youth you will do what Gadreel could not."

"That was in the past." Loki turned his head back to the mirror. "And I am not exactly known for my kind nature of keeping promises..." One of his hands ghostly traveled to his stomach. _I am not known for being able to keep a child either._ It wasn't round yet, but not flat anymore either. As if he ate too much during the last meals and now he needs to work out a little bit harder than the rest.

"Loki... Gadreel knew, in the moment he had touched the heart, that he will freeze to death if he fails." His attention turned back to her. "You asked me all kinds of questions about this story, but never the right one." She smiled a little taking in his height. And to think there was a time she was twice as tall as him. "He knew he had two choices. He knew what was going to happen to him, but his determination never allowed him to step back. Only forward."

"There wasn't much of a choice left for him." He responded. "If he stayed, it was certain he was going to die. If he kept moving, there was at least one hope of surviving."

"And still, Gadreel did not give up... and you shouldn't either." He looked at her with pained eyes. "Because you have a choice as well. You can either stay and expect death, or you can try to step forward and head towards the end of the road to finally grasp that little hope and hold your child in your arms."


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki relives a bad memory and Thor learns some news.

"I can't..." Loki whispered shaking his head taking a step back. "I can't go through this again. It's three times too much the amount I could have handled. I don't... I don't want it to turn to four." Gadreel only killed himself if the balance is weighted in that way. Loki's body killed his own creations, his innocent little ones who will never get to see the daylight.

People have been protected from Loki when he was an active villain, but who will protect Loki from himself?

"Darling, I can't force you to do what you not want. It's your choice and whatever it is, I will be there for you." Softly, she caressed his cheek, looking into his eyes with the undying love of a mother has for her child. "I will always be there for you." At loss of words, his conflicted feelings all over the place, the Jotun hugged her tight, burying his face in her neck, letting his emotions flow and speak for him instead.

Later, knowing Thor must be out of his mind with worry but at the same time giving him the space he needs, Loki went to look for him. It was time for him to know. Not that Loki wants to tell him, but so far the baby survived, and he is starting to get round... if he doesn't say anything now, questions will be asked later and it will be harder to answer them then. Loki honestly dreads this.

It's Thor's hope that he despises, hates that he has to face, mostly. The way he is so confident that this will be it... he was wrong four times. And still, after each pregnancy announcement, he was so... hopeful. Certain. And it was impossible to resist it, getting to him like a disease, that Loki was getting hopeful too... and then he would have another miscarriage.

Walking down the halls looking for possible places where his brother might be, the way as big as they are they are empty (who knows where are all the servants?), the loneliness he feels suddenly, the echoes of his own steps, take him back in time to the moment that started all these unbearable negative feelings that he has now...

Yes, he was released because he was carrying... but despite the popular belief, he did not lose the child shortly after...

**_Still in his cell, sitting on the floor, his back against the wall, Loki rubbed his swollen stomach lovingly. His child was moving in there actively. '_ _Quite like its father **.'** He thought with an envious smile. This one was definitely going to come out like Thor (massive appetite, full of energy, mostly active at night) and while he loves them both, he wants his first child to be more like him._ **

**_"Four more months and it will be just the three of us for a very, very, long time." Yes, he developed a habit of talking to the baby. Thanks to Thor, who did that every time he visited Loki in his prison cell. It had taken a while, but Thor (possibly with mother's help as well, but when questioned she didn't confirm nor deny it) finally managed to convince the Allfather to have Loki released._ **

**_It's safe to say that no one thought this was a good idea, but nevertheless. Loki was carrying the future heir of Asgard, and while many agreed that after birth the child should be simply taken out of his grasp and raised alone, Thor had none of it. And that is where the Allfather agreed with his son... be the parents who they are, a child should have them both in his or her life._ **

**_"Again? Really?" He chuckled when his stomach growled in hunger. He ate roughly twenty minutes ago, and the baby was hungry again. "Your father's child indeed." The trickster muttered under his breath getting up from the floor walking towards the table where his food tray laid generously filled. Thor has been stealing a lot from the kitchen lately to satisfy each and every one of his cravings._ **

**_Sometimes Loki demanded things and foods for fun, even if he didn't truly need them, just to see his ape of a brother fret around desperately to satisfy him as fast as possible._ **

**_Pulling out one of the two chairs (Two to mock him that he's never going to have any visitors. Joke's on them because he did have visitors. Even if it meant only his mother and Thor, at mother's demands. And! He even managed to get laid. Who knew prison sex was so amazing?) to sit down and serve his meal, Loki stopped midway when a sharp sudden lower back pain hit him._ **

**_He laid one hand there, forgetting at the moment that he has no magic to soothe it. He closed his eyes and concentrated on taking deep breaths to calm himself... Opening them again, Loki relaxed. Whatever it was it was gone. Brushing aside the strange happening, he wanted to take his seat at the table and continue his meal when another sharp pain hit him from the inside making him cry out._ **

**_More painful than the first one, and this time abdominal. The God touched his stomach and cried in shock at the blood on the purely white floor that ran from his legs. Dragging himself towards the shield, the barrier that held him inside (Asgardian prisons allow you to get in, but not to get out unless the barrier is lowered by someone from the outside) he saw there were no guards present._ **

**_"Help! Help! Please! Help me, please, please, help me!" Loki screamed banging his fists against the shield wildly, hoping that he will be heard at least. "Somebody..." He felt his knees fall under the weight of his body, and himself along with it, in a puddle of blood that left a thick trail from the table to the barrier. "Anybody." His voice cracked and his spirits broke as he realized even if aid came there was nothing else that could have been done to save the baby._ **

**_Nobody came anyway._ **

**_It was many hours later when he was found. There was a great feast in Asgard for signing a peace contract with a former enemy realm, the real was invited over to Asgard and all the guards were needed. Thor managed to sneak away after a little while and he was the one to find Loki on his knees behind the shield in a puddle of blood, his arms wrapped his stomach._ **

Shaking himself out of the memory with a powerful shiver, Loki sharply turned around. He was going to tell Thor some other day. The time is not right. Not today! Or even better, he won't need to tell his brother if the baby dies soon. Instead of making courage to disappoint the God of Thunder again, he should make an altar for the child.

It was a kind of ritual that they did every time they lost a child and every year on the day it was lost. They would light many candles, use an empty picture frame, kneel and pray together for their children's souls to find their peace in the afterlife. Silently apologizing as well, praying for their forgiveness too.

"Loki!" Rushing his pace, he wanted to make it to his room and lock himself up with his magic before the other got to him. _'It is inevitable now_.' He thought to himself as he was spun around and forced to face his brother. "Where have you been? I was worried! Nearly sent the guards to search for you." Thor said in one breath, crushing the smaller man into his chest, wrapping his arms around the other tightly.

Loki gently patted his back, having a hard time breathing. After Thor was sure the trickster won't disappear, he let go, but not completely. Out of words, unable to form them right, Thor kissed him roughly, letting his emotions speak for him. Loki was the one with the silver tongue, not him... and yes, that can be interpreted in many ways.

"I..." The younger one didn't even know what to respond. Being back with his Asgardian felt so good. He felt complete. Why does he keep hurting this wonderful, big man who has an even bigger heart? It was not in his intention to do that, yet it seemed as if it was the only thing he was able to do. "I was doing some soul searching I believe..."

"Brother, you are not honest with me." Thor whispered in pain. "I thought that by acting as if everything was alright, then everything will be alright.  But I was a fool..." he took Loki's hands in his holding onto them like a lifeline. "Something broke between us... I want to fix it, but I know not how. Help me, please." **_Help me, please, please, help me!_**

Loki took a shaky breath and looked at the floor closing and opening his mouth several times. "We broke nothing, my brother, trust me on that." He whispered softly. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he looked into his lover's eyes. "It is what we created that has me all over the place." Thor's face twisted with confusion at first, and then with realization. "I'm carrying again."


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor's true feelings are revealed.

Thor breathed heavily before he broke into a huge smile, his blue eyes shining brightly. He picked up his brother and spun him around laughing mightly. "Everything makes sense now! All is clear!" He cried happily. He was afraid Loki was going to leave him, given the signs, but now he knew the truth and he was so relieved.

Loki pushed him away forcefully, face twisting with anger. "That is the problem, you idiot." He shouted. Thor's happiness chilled in an instant. "You made me tell you I'm carrying again. Again. That's another baby we are going to lose! How can you be happy? How can you find anything joyful?" He was feeling a little unwell since he has been under a lot of stress, but damn it! Thor was going to have a piece of his mind.

"Brother, what if this is it?" He wanted desperately to make his brother see this from his side as well, believing that he will be more at peace. "What if this the child that we'll finally hold not only our hearts but in our arms as well? If my time on Midgard taught me anything is that we mustn't lose hope even when everything seems hopeless."

Loki was shaking. It was too much. Thor. Frigga. Why did they believe this pregnancy will not end in miscarriage? There is no hope! There will be no child! There is no reason to be happy about something that will end badly! "I hate you!" He yelled suddenly. Was he saying it to his brother or to himself? He did not know. "What is wrong with you?! There is something seriously wrong with you!"

Thor shook his head. "No, nothing is wrong with me. And nothing is wrong with you either." Loki wanted to walk away. This was a mistake. But he felt a lower pain in his abdomen that made him lean against a pillar. "No. Not again. Please, no." He begged clutching at his stomach possessively. Thor's shouts for help went almost unheard by his ears. Just a powerful vibe as his world went dark.

He regained his consciousness a while after, but it was a long time before he dared to open his eyes. He was tired and felt numb. He wished he was dead. His green eyes landed on his brother, who pulled a chair and stood by his bedside. Loki must have been out for a while because the Asgardian was sleeping on duty and the day turned to night.

He tried to rise, but he grunted in pain. His body was too tired and weak. Weak because the better half of his energy and power he transferred to the baby, to have him or her survive nine months in his womb. Apparently, his brother was on the edge because he bolted away at the slightest change of sound. "Thank the Gods you're awake." He breathed out relieved. 

It was like he held his breath from the moment Loki closed his eyes and held it until he opened them again. "What happened?" His hand instinctively went to his stomach. Fortunately, it was still round. Quite bigger, actually. "Why am I in your room?" From what he remembers, they were in the halls. It was a long way from there to his brother's room.

"The healers said you passed out from the severe stress you have been under." Thor explained gently taking Loki's hand in his. "They said if you keep going like this the child will certainly not get to see the daylight." He paused and pressed a kiss to his knuckles before rubbing his cheek against it. "I brought you in my room to make you feel more comfortable... I was very afraid for you and our baby."

"I see..." The younger God muttered leaning back into the soft pillows. Well, this was inevitable to happen at some point. He hasn't been exactly dancing around. "If you don't mind, I would like to rest for a while..." Sleep sounds good. A relaxing method. This way the baby can have a break as well. Thor nodded at his wish making move to stand and leave the room willing to give him the space and peace he needs for a few hours.

A pull of their still connected hands had him turn around. "Sleep with me...?" It was almost childish the way he asked it. But remembering how his mother pushed his brother to visit him in prison, successfully having them reconcile their ended relationship, he believed this time it was his turn to push himself towards Thor and not away from him. 

The God smiled, happy that he was not allowed to leave. "Anything you consider you need in order to be less stressed." And tried not to be too excited when he was taking off his clothes even though they were not about to have sex. Just the simple idea that Loki wanted to have him close was enough to keep him smiling until next morning.

With each miscarriage, Loki became more distant and isolated. When the elder man tried to take a step towards him, the Jotun was ready to take two back. Loki was shutting him out, and it hurt Thor deeply. But Thor never said a word. As much as he was hurting, his pain was nothing compared to the other's. His little brother needed him to be strong, not weak. Happy, not sad.

Remaining only in his pants and tunic, the God got under the covers and wrapped his arms around his lover. If they were still that. He didn't know for sure where they stood anymore and he knew the time wasn't right to ask either. After a good while, he felt Loki snuggle to his chest, turning so that his bump was trapped between them.

A little later sleep overcame the both of them.

The next day, neither of them could remember a time when they rested better than they did last night. They did not even want to rise from the bed, knowing the magic of the moment will be broken. It was one of those rare times when they weren't a villain, a future King, or princes, but another normal couple of lovers who spent the night together.

Thor called for a servant holding Loki against his chest who stood with his eyes closed and an arm wrapped around his brother's hip and told her to bring two trays from the breakfast back. One specified to be filled generously with everything healthy that was prepared and one for himself with meat. As drink he told her to bring only for him wine, knowing the other preferred to drink tea made by himself.

Serving breakfast in bed was just one perk of being an Asgardian prince out of many. As they ate, their conversation went back to the day before. "I admit that I feel better about myself and the pregnancy, but I still can't find a way to understand how can you be so happy and hopeful given our history with children." The younger one said devouring fruit after fruit, the more exotic the better, while the salad wasn't that interesting at all.

"That's because I don't." The elder replied, eating the chicken legs as if the other was about to jump and take them away in any second. "I'm just as scared as you are." He paused to drink some wine before continuing. "When you cried for the lost babies I cried with you, but in the shadows. You needed me to be strong for you, you still do, and that's what I keep trying to be."

Loki set down the pomegranate, for the first time actually listening and hearing out his brother since he learned he was with another child.

Thor was fast to lift it back and put it back in his mouth. "The moment I start telling myself this is it, I start believing it. And for a while, it is a beautiful feeling. Notice how even though we lost so many, we kept losing. Seeing it from a happier side of view, it is fate giving us one chance after another which means it has at least one success in store for us. That I am certain of, and not even you can change my mind about it."

"I've never seen it from that point of view." Probably tomorrow he will think of it as the stupidest idea to ever be formed inside someone's head, but right now the younger prince thinks it's the idea of a genius.  

"Brother..." Thor was already unsure how to call Loki anymore. Last night did not confirm him anything towards the couple status. The following questions had him feel the same as stepping around bombs. "Do you think you're ready for a checkup?"


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprise, surprise.

"I suppose I am." Loki replied softly not entirely sure of his own words. That's how he knew he was going to lose baby number 4, after a routine checkup and a few words spoken simply like announcing today's weather. _'I'm sorry, but the baby will not make it to the next full moon.'_ They were wrong though. The baby didn't even make it to the next week. The healers of Asgard were kinder to him than the rest of the population.

Mainly because they really knew just how much he had lost. They were the ones to see him truly brought to his knees with each loss and they pitied him. How he hated their pity. But it was better at least than the people's hate for his past actions. There is still to come a day when he can leave the castle without guards or his brother by his side.

He hasn't left it too much. One reason being the affection received from the Asgardians. Another, a more sensitive one, being that he couldn't stand to see mothers with their young children... or worse. Babies. Some try so hard to have just one, while others keep popping them out one after another only to toss them away.

"And I suppose I should apologize to you for not being considerate of your feelings. I was selfish." What has become of Loki Laufeyson? In the past, he wouldn't have apologized even if his own life was at stake. How the mighty God has fallen... almost on the top of the Galaxy now at the bottom line. Thor and his mother were literally the only people he had left in his life and to keep them by his side, yes, he will act out of character.

"There is nothing to forgive." The warrior rasped pulling his brother into a tight embrace. "I love you just the way you are and I wouldn't want you in any other way. I swear I will give you everything you want... all I ask in return is for you to hang in there for me... The sun will rise in your realm, Loki. You need to be patient only for a little longer. I promise you, the wait will be worth."

Loki said nothing and wrapped his arms around Thor as well, sinking into his body with his own. He wanted with all heart to believe that, but something was keeping him from doing it... the past. The events of the past. How can one move forward when they haven't moved to the present? "I killed so many people in my life... but neither hurt as much as these. I wanted them. I wanted them all."

"Shhh." Thor shushed gently, his going through the dark locks. "Everything will be alright... I'm here. I'm here for you and not even a thousand soldiers could rip me away from you." _Then why do I feel like you're about to slip away on your own?_

"But before I go... Let me make it up to you." He slid his body over Thor's standing over him, rubbing their groins. "The only way **_I_** know it would make **_you_** happy." By _'you'_ he meant himself. He had a feeling he was entering the period when sex is all he wants besides food and a foot massage and he had his confirmation when he was getting aroused only thinking about it... it has been a while, an eternity to him.

"I'm just happy." Thor gasped at the slow sensual movements, closing his eyes throwing his head back into the pillows. "If I am with you-ah." Truth to be told it has been a while since they last shared a bed and given with everything that's been happening these last day, he hadn't wanted to put pressure on his brother for his own selfish needs.

"Shhh." Loki shushed him with an amused smirk laying a finger on Thor's lips. "Be silent. Relax." Thor wanted to tell him that he should be the one relaxing but swallowed his words letting out a groan instead. His body was betraying his needs, so his tongue wasn't much of an use anymore. "Lay back... and let me do all the work." This is wrong. Loki... needs to... relax... rest. "I take you still like it when I ride you senseless?"

Ah, screw it.

* * *

Two sweaty bodies parted ways as Loki fell beside his brother. Both of them were panting hard, sweating hard, but nonetheless, it was all worth it. The stupid smiles on their faces said everything that needed to be said. "Ah, I nearly forgot... how good this felt." Thor breathed out running his hand over his forehead, using his arm to bring his lover closer to him the need to feel him still in the air.

"If I weren't in such an euphoric state." Loki paused in middle phrase to catch his breath and swallow, his dried mouth desperate for a liquid. "I would feel very insulted." He turned in Thor's embrace and kissed his chest. He didn't know which one of them needed this more and he found he didn't care. He was finally feeling content and he had every intention to drown himself in it.

The warrior laughed softly and kissed his brother's head, combing his fingers through his dark hair. "Allow me..." Pulling the blanket of their bodies just slightly he gazed lovingly at Loki's baby bump. Their baby was in there. Caressing it softly, fragile glass being nothing compared to this, he kissed it as well. Loki rolled his eyes but said nothing at the other's sappy gesture. Is this how the rest of the pregnancy is going to go?

**_If_** it reaches the ninth month.

"Would you mind if I went alone?" Thor looked at him uncertainly. Where did this come from? Is it about the last time when he went through a checkup? "Just this once, I promise." Loki reassured him, stroking his cheek with the back of his hand. "Then it will be no more secrets..." Thinking the phrase over, he decided it needs to be corrected. "At least between you and me."

The Asgardian torn on what to do. On one side he wants to give his brother what he wants and everything else he asks for. On another side, he wants to be there. What if they get bad news again? And what if they not? What if they find out the gender and he is not the first person to know? He was about to become a father just as much as Loki was about to become a mother...

"Alright." Thor agreed half-heartedly with a heavy sigh. "Just this once."  The things he does for his love...

* * *

If he had known the outcome, he would've never allowed Loki to go alone. His heart shrinks and breaks when he sees his love storming out of the room. He could only imagine what he had been told... tears well up in his eyes and his fists clench. He really believed that this would be it. Their first victory. He follows his brother's steps, a shadow of his former happier self.

He can't even imagine what must be in the Jotun's mind and heart.

Thor really believed he'd find him crying his eyes out as he had done with every miscarriage. He was so shocked to see Loki so angry that he did not know how to react and his words died on his tongue. Fanatically, the younger prince was looking through several books at once flipping through the pages and ripping a couple out of each one then throwing them aside like poison.

"My love..." Loki was stunned for a second before sharply turning around. He was bloody furious, Thor could tell. "This is not the end of the world..." The older one said tentatively, taking a careful step forward. "We can still have our first victory... we can try again after a while. I will never leave you  A time will come for us as well to be happy, you'll see."

A thick atmosphere fills the room, there is a long painful silence, and the future ruler of Asgard waits for the explosion... "Are you drunk?" It was Thor's turn to be stunned. Loki waved him off quicker than he did. "Never mind that. You won't leave me alone, will you? I would suggest you stay if I could find you helpful, but I don't." Turning back to his work, he turned his back to his brother as well. "You know where to find the door."

"You mustn't go alone through this. It was my child as well!" Thor presses on, fearing that he is crossing many overly sensitive lines. He finds he doesn't care anymore. Not if it means he can help Loki and be by his side! He may have been pushed over in the past, but that doesn't mean he'll allow it to happen in the present too.

The God turns once again to his lover. His eyes are glued to the floor and he is visibly calmer. "There wasn't a... I'm still carrying." He couldn't bring himself to say that cursed word. Then he changes his mind, choosing to focus on the self-induced task instead. "But you can begin mourning from now, as I plan to end it myself before fate does it for me."

"I don't understand..." The prince muttered. "Are we going to have a sick child?" It was the only possible idea, worth this tantrum, that Thor had. While having a sick child would be much harder to raise than a healthier one, at least they would still have a child together. Where is the issue with that? Doesn't... Doesn't his brother want it anymore? No, that can't be it. Not in a million years!

"No. It's worse." Thor's mind simply refused to work at that moment. What could his brother consider to be worse than losing a child? Especially when it's not lost yet. He can't locate the problem at all... Watching him in silence, Loki groaned deeply annoyed after a while realizing he needs to spell it out for the other, to clear his confused mind. "We're not having a sick child... or a child at all."

Then wha-?

"We're having twins."


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor proposes a deal.

Loki arrived fashionably late. Yes, instead of calling them to him, he went to them. He wasn't a weak progeniture and he was going to prove it to every Asgardian if that's what he has to do! He doesn't knock before he enters though. Too much is never too good. "I'm ready." He announces solemnly. The four healers presented nodded and guided him to the small bed.

"First of all, I'll ask you to take off your coat and tunic." One of them said with light blonde hair. He remembered her from the days when he still called Odin father. She had been a great deal of help during battles and wars and she was a loyal servant. "My name is Lyla, you can trust me. I am not going to hurt you." Nonsense. Loki trusts no one!... With two heavy exceptions perhaps...

He doesn't say anything in return. He just wants to know if his baby will be alright or if he should start building another altar.

Taking off his coat, he hands it over to one helper and his tunic to the other doing his best to ignore the multiple pairs of eyes staring at his bump. The main healer, Lyla, rubbed a strange gel on her hands (he decided he'll ask later about that because it was very familiar to him) and he nearly flinched. Not even Thor has touched his bump. Kissed it, yes. Touched it? No. He had every right to be careful at the stranger's touch.

Especially with someone trusted by Odin.

"You can trust me." Lyla whispered gently, rubbing the gel on his stomach. Hesitant at first, then bolder seeing she's not pushed away. Not exactly welcomed either. Soon, the gel began to glow after penetrating his skin. The helpers were noting down the information they were gathering withstanding two steps behind Lyla. "From the outside, it looks like you developed well so far."

The healer announced after a few moments of complete silence, letting the gel and the glow do their job. Loki nearly scoffed, not believing her in the least. All his pregnancies went well before they ended badly. "I can say you're about... 8 weeks." She adds on a more certain tone. She stopped at one point freezing mid-phrase. "And, oh... that's strange."

The gel apparently could not sense his heart beats, because it would have been noted right away how hard and fast they became. "It's... No, it's not that." Loki breathing became sharper and heavier as well, waiting anxiously for the worst. He noticed then that Lyla's eyes were glowing as well, the same green color that glowed on his stomach.

"What is it?" The prince hissed impatiently. If he was going to have another miscarriage with healers right by his side, then Hel if he won't throw himself off the Bifrost again! And this time his death will be permanent!

"It's just... Give me a moment." Lyla whispered gently putting her finger on his stomach. She moved it around for a while before a victorious grin made its way on her face. "Gotcha!" She cried playfully. Closing her eyes the glow disappeared to reveal sparkling blue eyes. "It's hard for me to concentrate." She chuckled shaking her head. Loki never wanted in his life to slap a woman more than he did now. Where is a professional when you need it?

"The pulse... even the heart beats are matching. It took me quite a while to catch them." Lyla giggled relieved, believing at first that she has some bad news to deliver, wiping her hands with a cloth handed by a helper. "I advise you to prepare yourself. It seems like you are going to have a pair of handful twins." The little ones nearly had her fooled. "I'm going to ask you to come back regularly."

"I think once in two weeks would be alright. Next time I'll take a blood sample for further research, but so far everything is alright. Hey, maybe next time I can tell you the genders if... you want." The healer went through a bunch of rambling, professional defect, before she finally turned around and noticed that Loki was long gone out of the room.

* * *

 "I am getting rid of this pregnancy right now! One way or another." He vowed out loud. A shiver ran down Thor's spine. One look into his brother's eyes and he knew how truly determined he was to keep this monstrous vow. "Announce that joyful healer of yours that we will not be meeting again." Never even liked her. A bit of a female Thor perhaps, but less muscled.

"I've lost one before, one is fine." No, it was not. "One is not a big deal." Yes, it was. "I can't lose two... I can't. Not at once." From four they would not jump to five, but to six. "I've said it before, but now I mean it truly. I can't take this anymore." Fate will take away these babies too. It gives him the joy at the thought of motherhood of a double just to take it away when the time is sweetest and the hope is at its highest!

"I understand this is difficult." The future ruler of Asgard said softly after hearing his brother's story. A whole comforting speech already on his tongue. It hurts him how close he and Loki are yet how apart. He tried many things to get him close to his brother and he was starting to run out of ideas. They are strangers and lovers at the same time.

"You understand nothing!" Loki cried, his voice so loud and powerful its vibration could have been felt. It made Thor swallow his words in an instant. Loki was breathing soundly, calmer enough only to lower his voice. "You know nothing! You may have lost sons or daughters as well, but it was I who carried them! It was I who loved them and I who cried for them!"

"And I cried with you, Loki." Thor replied softly, taking the other by complete surprise. "But not in front of other eyes. You needed me to be strong for you, so I was. And I cried only at night... when you used to reject me, you would push me away and I would cry alone in my room. I cried for the babies more than I ever cried in my one thousand five hundred thirty-two years of living."

With only one look at his brother, Loki knew it was true. His rage died as a campfire under the rain. Thor looked away shocking himself as well of what he just admitted. He hadn't meant to share that much, but once he started he found himself unable to stop. "Only because I never told you, it doesn't mean it never happened...  but that doesn't mean we still can't have our first victory. I believe in you and I believe in us."

"Must everything be battle related to you?" Loki felt on the edge. On the edge of losing his mind. "Do you hear yourself? ' _Our first victory'._ There is no hope for victory if you already lost!" His eyes widened as the harshest truth hit him. "The moment we conceived these babies we lost them... We've been making children only to kill them..."

Gently touching his shoulder at first, Thor wrapped an arm around his body and pulled Loki into his chest cradling his lithe body with his muscled arms. The younger man clung to him like he had never done before. He was so confused on what to do and so lost. He felt alone and unreachable and most of all unworthy. "I need this to stop..."

The elder brother caressed his younger brother's dark hair, pressing a long kiss to his head. "Let me be by your side." He whispered pressing his lips to the other's forehead. "Don't shut me out. Not this time..."

"I'll make you a deal, Thor." A muffled voice came from his chest. Loki pulled slightly away so he could have a look at his brother, but they still kept their arms around each other. "I will let the pregnancy follow its course... but if I lose them. If I lose the twins... I will drink my poison and end my life." The warrior's eyes widened and watered at the same time. His brother had reached his limit.

"And you will allow it." Loki continued to press salt on the verbal wounds he was already causing Thor. "You will not intervene, you will let me find my peace. I love you with all my heart Thor, but I've reached my limit a long time ago and it's time to stop. I just want everything to stop. You are my love, you will always be my love, but..."

Thor looked at him for the longest time without saying a word. Processing. Thinking. Choosing. "I will let you swallow that poison if you have another miscarriage." He breathed out on a low tone. Loki knew he usually spoke like that when he was agreeing to something that he did not want to do. And he asked himself ' _Had it been that easy?'._ But Thor had his own trick upon his sleeve. "Only if you agree to give me half of it."


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many apologies for the long wait. I had several college exams and besides studying the only thing I had time to do was eat (I don't know what 'sleep' is anymore)

"I cannot ask you to do that."

"You're not asking me anything. This is strictly my decision." Thor replied sternly. He never looked like a King to Loki more than he did at that moment. "I cannot exist without you as you cannot exist without me. I would rather die with you than live without you." Thor thinks with his heart and his heart was set. What more, what else, could Loki do than to resign and accept?

With heavy hearts, they came to an agreement. Live together or die together. One does not leave the other behind. "On a brighter side, in return, I ask for one thing from you."

"Name it." _And it shall be yours._

"If we succeed. I want you to agree to wear this." He pulled out a golden tag and Loki remembered it right away from their first mission together completed flawlessly. They were granted anything they wanted from Odin's vault, but they agreed to take only to golden tags. It was a symbol of their love. Wearing it around their necks it meant that no matter where they are in the galaxy they will always be together.

"I haven't seen that in so many centuries." He took it in his palm and ran his fingers over it. One time when they were having a rough lover's spat, the younger God was so upset he threw it in the fall. Still, he was curious about one thing. "I can agree to wear this right now, why the wait? Why the meaningful deal?" There were so many questions on his mind. How did Thor find it? Why did he wait centuries before he gave it back?

"Because I want you to wear it not as a sign of our love, but as a sign of our marriage as well." The God of Thunder wanted to propose for a very long time, but it never was the right time. A good part of him never asked, fearing the possible refusal. With Loki, you never know. Thor in his heart was certain that no matter how wicked he will be, his little brother will always be the love of his life. And he wanted to make it official.

"I will." Loki nodded overwhelmed by the wave of emotions he was feeling at once. "I promise." And they decided to end the day simply taking a walk around the gardens, appreciating the beauty of nature. At night, retired to bed, wrapped in his brother's arms under the cover, things took a dark road for Loki. A nightmare crawled in, tearing apart the beautiful dream he was having in pieces.

In one moment he was happy and in the next, he was frightened. Inside a dark delivery room with pale lights, surrounded by complete strangers, he was on the edge of giving birth. Contraction after contraction hit, each more powerful than the one before. Dark aura fulfilled the room. Where was Thor? His chest tightened as he realized the healers around him were all casting him hatred looks and he was all alone.

"Thor..." He called weakly, breathing heavily, his body tired and begging for a break. "Where is my brother?" No one answered. Another powerful contraction hit and Loki forgot all about the God of Thunder. His children wanted out. Writhing in pain, held by both arms, his legs were forcefully spread. Loki shook his head. "No... not without Thor." And he was ignored as if he was a muted man. Or the others were deaf to his words.

The healer who stood between his legs, whose face was covered by a mask, held in one hand a sharp knife and in the other a snake. First, the snake was left to ram on his body. From his ankle to his calf, the snake didn't stop until it reached his stomach. Loki found his magic was restrained as well and tried in vain to get the snake off. The snake stopped, looked at Loki with green shining pupils and bit him hard.

The God screamed and the snake retired, its venom glistening still on his stomach. The healer welcomed it back and began to cut from where the snake bit. Loki screamed and pleaded for any ease, any painkiller. He felt the air leave his lungs as the blade penetrated through his skin. "Not my babies! Please, don't hurt them! I will do anything, I swear." Fear crept up into his chest with roots. "Not them. Please, not them."

Blood flooded the white dirty floor. A knife, that felt like a thousand, pierced his body again on the lower mark of the snake's bite. Loki found he was unable to pass out from the pain. That he was feeling it down to his toes. One child was pulled out and tossed aside to another healer with a cord wrapped around its neck like a rope. Dead and useless. The healer leaned in to take the other...

He woke up screaming because of an invisible wound, writhing pushing away wildly, unaware he was fighting the one he was calling for. "Loki, it's me. It's alright, it's me." Thor forced him to look at his face... and Loki calmed. Panting heavily, he threw himself back in his brother's arms and chest, clinging to him, fearing this is another dream inside the first one and that if he let go, Thor would disappear.

The warrior stroked his hair and kissed his sweaty face. His eyes. His forehead. His chin. His cheeks. His jaw. Every inch of his face that his lips could touch muttering words of comfort in the other's ears who was gasping for air as if he had been suffocated and realized in the last moment. "It was just a dream. It was not real. I'm here, my love. And I'm not going anywhere you're not going."

"It was terrible." His hand went to his stomach and breathed relieved to feel the bump just as he remembered it to be compared to the one in his dream near to give birth. "So terrible." Loki threw himself into a loud and long rambling, bare pauses only for breathing. "The birth... they wanted to kill me and take my children, and you weren't there. Don't leave my side ever again, please. I called for you, but you didn't answer."

"I am answering now." Taking his hand in his linking their fingers together he kissed Loki's knuckles, continuing to whisper only soft words. "It was only a nightmare. Calm yourself... for the babies. For me." Loki was shaking in his arms, but Thor held him until he calmed and did not say anything more allow him to let his emotions out.

"Take me." He whispered in the muscled chest, arms still tightly wrapped around the warrior's neck when he calmed. "Please, I need that. I... I need to feel you." He needed to know Thor was there. He needed to feel Thor's love and he needed the most just to be with his brother. Loki cannot find his peace anymore and he feels his insanity slowly raising depowering his normal state of mind.

"Whatever you wish."


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter could have been posted so much sooner... but in my four years as a fanfiction writer, this is literally the second time I wrote smut. Half of it is done, the rest will come in the next chapter. Feel free to complain if there's anything you don't like about it. I personally don't know how to feel about this chapter, it's good yet on sides I think it could have been better. 
> 
> Apologies for the waiting. XD.

Thor kissed him gently. Loki was fragile, heartbroken and anxious... He needed love and peace, but all he keeps getting is hurt. Mentally, he was in a place that Thor has never been to. He didn't know how depression worked, but he was able to spot it in his lover's eyes. The green eyes which always had a faraway look inside them and gave the impression that they wanted to be anywhere else but there.

He wanted to help, but he was pushed away. And his gravest mistake is that he never pushed back. No more. Thor cupped his brother's face in his hands and kissed him harder. No more loneliness for Loki. No more hiding. No more... Loki's hands wrapped around his wrist as he slowly began to kiss back. When he did, Thor felt relieved. There is still hope...

Pushing the warrior closer, Loki kissed him more heatedly arms tying around the other's neck. Slowly letting him down on the bed, Thor broke their kiss and his lips touched every inch of that beautiful face that came in contact with. His hands rammed over the lithe body, caressing the soft skin as he caressed his red cape when he had first received it. The mage began to relax under his touch.

"Good, that's good." Thor's sweet voice gave him more courage. They made him feel more confident. "Very good, brother. Let me in." _I will, I promise. Never will I shut you out again._ It was a promise to himself that he intended to keep. "I'm not your enemy. I only want what's best for you." Hot lips trailed down from his chin to Adam's apple and then lower. "I would give you any world just to see you smile again."

Marked only with love, Thor gave his neck a gentle bite. Loki was taken and he selfishly wanted everyone to know that if they didn't already. The God of Mischief melted under the touches, becoming one with the sheets. He couldn't wait to become one with the man above him. "I only want you." Came the soft reply. "Only you." And he was rewarded with another love bite on the other side.

Pulling back, Loki immediately felt the warmth going away as well, Thor paused. His fingers played with the green robe as debating whether he wanted to undo it or not. He wanted to keep the act for a little longer, to watch his brother become impatient and squirm under his touch, but the treasure under it was too tempting to resist. Undoing the knot with the greatest care, like unwrapping a gift, Thor smiled.

Loki began to fidget.

He wanted to speed things up, but his hands were slapped away. The warrior toyed a little more with the knot before undoing it completely. Pushing the robe out of his way to reveal more skin, Loki in all his naked glory, he took his time gazing lovingly at the body beneath him. He had seen his brother naked countless times, yet his fascination was just the same now as it was in the first day. And it was all his.

Slowly he leaned down and kissed his chest, hands on his hips to keep him still. The kisses followed a trail and stopped at the nipples. Taking one in his mouth, sucking and licking it with his tongue, he pulled back lightly, grasping it between his teeth, before he moved to the other leaving a reddened skin behind. Loki sighed in arousal, bucking his hips and arching his back to get any possible friction. Of course, his brother didn't let him.

"Brother..." Loki sighed, burying his fingers in Thor's hair. "Please. You wouldn't do that to your little brother. Denying him of his needs. Ah!"

"Never. I deny my lover of his needs because I love having him squirm with need of me. Screaming my name into the night."

The warrior got to the most sensitive area. His brother's bump. "Our twins are growing in here." He worshipped it as his people worshipped him. Taking a break just to lay his forehead against it, he closed his eyes in contempt. And if the movement he felt was only in his imagination, it was the most beautiful illusion. "What do you think?... Boys? Girls? Boy and girl?"

Loki gave a tiny smile into the darkness seen by no one. "It doesn't matter..." And the smile disappeared once the past came back to him. Their children...

"No, no." Thor whispered pressing more kisses on his skin as if reading his thoughts. "Not tonight. Tonight is about you." A kiss on the left side. "And our babies." A kiss on the right side. "Enjoying our time while we still can before we learn what sleepless nights truly are." He whispered with a slight, low, chuckle. They were told numerous times, before they started trying for children of their own, how once they had children sleep will become holy for them.

"You are going to be the greatest mother Asgard has ever known since our mother." Thor continued his praise him, making Loki almost tear up. How can one be told he is going to be great at something he never went through before? How... how can Thor be so sweet after everything he has done... to him, to their family and to their realm. Then he wanted to laugh at the irony.

Once their love continued, even after Loki's true parentage was revealed, it was ironic how the sons of the two biggest enemies in their history (Odin and Laufey) fell in love. Ready to die for each other and die together if their love wouldn't have been accepted. Not that it was... but it was less severe than what was expected. Instead of their deaths demand, they got judgemental silent looks. And words spoken behind their backs.

"Only because where you lack, I compensate." Loki had to hold back a laugh to deliver this in all seriousness one could muster up.

"Are you saying I'm not going to be a good father? That's not very nice of you, brother."

"Well, you are a terrible lover."

"Am I now?" Thor laughed. It was so good to see his brother come back to his usual self little by little. Baby steps as the saying goes. "Would a terrible lover do this?" Wasting no time he took the half hard cock in his mouth and began to greedily suck on it. Licking the underside, with a firm hand grip on the other's hip to keep him still, he bobbed his head until he felt the cock get fully hard inside his mouth. Then he pulled away.

"You oaf!" Loki whined trying to arch up to his brother. To feel him and his touch. Then he decided on another approach. He closed his eyes and stilled. When he reopened them, the undeniable lust visible as a shadow in light, Thor gulped. Slowly, sensually, Loki arched his back up lifting himself. One hand touched his brother's cheek while the other helped, pushing himself closer until the two were tangled together.

Gazing deeply into his eyes, wrapping his legs around the other's waist, the Trickster let himself graciously fall back on the sheets. "If I cannot find what I need here with you, I will search for it somewhere else with someone else then." Traveling to his stomach, his pale hand rubbed his bump. "I need to make sure they are well taken care of. I need a man who can keep up with me and my babies."

Thor froze for a brief second before he smashed his mouth against Loki wanting to scream with happiness. Tonight Loki was finally allowing himself to dream, and Thor couldn't ask for more. "No, you will not do that." He said sternly, sucking on an earlobe, playfully poking his stomach. "Because only I can satisfy your needs and meet your expectations brother. These babies, being part of you, can only be handled by someone like me."

"Then stop talking." The younger one breathed. "And start acting. Show me you're the man we need in our lives." Coaxing his fingers with the oil they kept in sight on their nightstand (He liked to think it's not just his room anymore, but theirs.) Thor took his time to prepare his brother for him, pushing in one finger, then two, scissoring them inside Loki, watching his beautiful face twisting with want, _**need,**_ for more.

"Brother, we've done this more times than years we've lived." The Trickster hissed impatiently. "You know what I want, so _give it to me_!" Thor pushed in another finger, simply telling him that all comes in good time and there is no need to rush. Truthfully, he didn't want to go this fast. He wanted to keep this going selfishly for as much as he could. Because in the morning Loki will return to his state of anxiety and fear, depression and doubts.

Tonight, he was finally allowing himself to hope that everything will be fine. To dream of the day they will hold their babies. Playing Thor's game. And Thor wanted to keep that going for as long as he could. It was too beautiful to describe the feeling in his heart seeing his brother like this. If only this night could last forever... if only they could stay here, like this, and just be happy, be together, without a care or concern.

Pulling out his fingers, oiling his hard shaft, Thor pushed in.


	14. Chapter 14

Loki, to his shame, moaned much louder than he intended to. Arching his back as his brother's cock penetrated him, it felt like they were one. His favorite part aside from the amazing fucking that it is to come. Once he was seated inside his brother, Thor paused, giving him time to adjust his length. Touching the swollen belly, his expression fell to deep thoughts, his brows furrowing with worry and wondering.

"You're not hurting us and you're not going to either." Loki rasped throwing his head back, guessing immediately what this was about. The hand caressed his skin. The last thing Thor wanted to do was to harm his unborn children. He was still doubtful... "But if you don't start moving soon, I will hurt you!" The trickster pushed back trying to get him to finish what he started.

If he didn't know any better, he'd say that he was shy, starting to move inside him at an agonizingly slow pace. "I am no bloody virgin!" The God hissed, raising his voice, his patience long ended. "Damn it... Thor!" It turned into a loud gasp when the warrior pulled out almost completely before slamming back in, effectively shutting his brother up.

"You're all that matters. I'd never forgive myself if I caused harm to either of you." It was one thing to fool around with his brother, and even then Thor always took care of him before and after sex making sure Loki is alright, but it is entirely another situation to do it while he's still carrying their children. Especially given their history with Loki's pregnancies...

"We aren't made of glass, we are bloody Gods!" The God of Mischief declared with a growl. Falling silent for a moment, his brows furrowed and his green eyes narrowed at Thor growing angry with him. "Are you trying to say I look weak? Just because I'm thinner than you because I'm slim and you're basically a walking wall? You son of a-"

Thor did the same thing as earlier, pushing back almost completely then slamming back in making his brother cry out even louder than the first time. "Your form is perfect just the way it is. You are perfect just the way you are." He soothed, keeping up a slow pace, speeding up only when he decided it was time to, hooking his arms around Loki's back trying to get them as close as possible and then even more. 

"Sentimental fool." The Prince whispered with a small content smile. "I hope my children are nothing like you." He added simply, chuckling as the thrusts became harder, faster and sharper as soon as he finished that phrase. Finally! People call him evil just because he is mean, but being _mean_ gets things done better and easier than _nice_ or _being nice._

Thor gently smiled back, caressing his cheek, and Loki gulped. That look on his face meant he had the perfect comeback. "And I hope my children will hate tricking people." Thoroughly enjoying the extremely insulted look that appeared on his brother's face, Thor's smile grew even bigger. He could have called him son of Odin, but Loki wouldn't have felt as insulted as he did now.

Bursting with laughter at the same time, all their seriousness melting away, Thor and Loki kissed like there was no tomorrow. It was probably the happiest, most content, minute ever since their first lost child. It was at that moment where they were genuinely the Thor and Loki they used to be before the first miscarriage. "I love you." Thor whispered kissing him harder. Always wanting more, never getting enough.

"I love you too." Loki replied. He knew he didn't say it as much as he should. He knew he didn't show it in the least for most times... But that doesn't mean he doesn't love his brother with all his heart... after all, no one knows what's going on behind closed doors. At that moment he felt he had everything he wanted. His children safe inside his womb growing and his brother inside him declaring his love.

Valhalla be damned. This is Loki's Heaven!

Kissing him harder, Thor restarted what they interrupted to declare out loud what they already knew. Throwing his head back, Loki clung to him like a lifeline, squeezed the man above him in his arms as hard as he could, burying his head in the crook of the other's neck. "Yes, yes, yes, yes!" Chanting it like a spell, the Trickster felt he was on cloud nine, afraid to open his eyes in case this is all an illusion.

"Loki... oh, Loki." The warrior called out his name and only his name in such a beautiful way it should be forbidden to be this beautiful. "I love you, Loki!" He shouted out loud with one final thrust spilling his seed deep inside, shutting his eyes as the wave of pleasure hit him at the highest level. A bit more pleasure than this and his heart would beat so hard it would blow up.

Shuddering in each other's arms, the two Gods forgot where one begins and the other ends. Clinging to each other with an incredible need of feeling the other's skin, breath, heartbeat, they refused to let go, Thor pulled out and they fell asleep like that.

When the morning came, they woke up with tangled limbs and the magic of the moment long gone. "Did I hurt them?" Thor asked worriedly, lately, he realized he became obsessed with putting his hands the growing bump. At least once a day he needed to touch it. "I want you to get checked, I'll arrange it for this afternoon." He said without letting his brother speak his opinion.

Loki, as he dressed for the day, found it strange he began it with Thor's King voice. The King voice was what he called whenever his brother was being deadly serious about something that really mattered to him one way or another. The last time he heard Thor use that voice was when he demanded Loki to be let out of his cell.

"Alright." The younger God submitted for two reasons. One, to shut up his overly worried consort. Two, the checkup was planned for today anyway. Then he left the room and headed straight to the kitchens, far too hungry to wait anymore. Meanwhile, the Asgardian headed for the dining hall to meet with his mother and father. He believed it was time to inform them about the future family addition.

Fate made it that he ran into his mother first, she was preparing to leave the room just as he entered. Loki walked past them both, without sparing them a glance, a servant following him holding a full tray in each of her hands. Odin, the only one sitting at the table, was ignored by Loki as he sat down on the opposite side from the King of Asgard. "It's nice to see him in good mood for a change." Frigga said.

Thor chuckled under his breath, watching his brother eating like he was suffering from starvation without a care of how the others see that. The others meaning, his family, Odin, and the present guards. It was very unusual for someone like him, always so mannered in every moment of his life, to be seen acting like his older brother. "He's been very moody lately." Thor replied.

Frigga hummed in approval. "Does it have to do with the following family addition?" She smirked, loving the shocked look on her son's face, watching his eyebrows rise and his lips part wanting to say something and not knowing what. "I know a lot of things, darling." She told him, rubbing his arm gently. "I was not made Queen only because I was a pretty woman."

"You still are, mother. Beautiful beyond words." Thor replied immediately. With a smile, he lowered his head realizing he should have seen that coming from miles away. "I cannot hide anything from you, mother." He said it more to himself than to her. Then he smirked as well remembering he still has an ace in his sleeve to play, and he leaned in to whisper as if about to share a secret. 

"Do you also know our addition is doubled up?" It was Frigga's turn to be shocked, for her eyebrows to rise in surprise, for her eyes to grow wide and for her lips to part without a single word to come out. "No?" And Thor's smile grew bigger, managing to keep a calm and collected act. "Then, I am happy I can still surprise you." When in reality he wanted to display the happiness he was feeling inside publicly, for all Asgard to see.

Their smiles were equally bright, lighting up the room itself better than the sunlight if such things were possible. "Twins? Oh, my son. That's magnificent! I am so happy for you." She embraced him tightly, ready to cry joyous tears. Her prayers have been heard, her sons have finally been blessed. "You deserve to be happy too. More than anyone."

A sound of a breaking plate made them part and turn. "Perhaps we should postpone telling your father the great news." With the way Loki was fuming, a fight was about to break out in a matter of moments.


	15. Chapter 15

Manners aside, Loki dives into his food and counts from the corner of his eye just how many tongues he has to cut after his meal, for he will not have Asgard laugh at him and he doesn't trust them to remain silent. Obviously, Odin, Thor... is a maybe, Frigga obviously **not.** And adding the two more guards inside, that makes three. Three tongues to cut today with the possibility of becoming four.

"I see you have quite an appetite today." Odin's remark does not go unheard. The Trickster's hands clench around the silver fork, his eyes darting to the silver knife. "Anything you would like to share on the cause of it?" It was strange indeed not to see him cut his meat in smaller pieces as he used to, but eat it whole. He knows. _Bloody old man. He knows. He knows and he wants to make me tell him._

"Everyone who needs to know already knows." Loki replies sharply, taking a big bite of an unsliced yet bread. The servants who bring the rest of the plates give him both funny looks. "One word spoken outside this chamber and I will have your tongues ripped out of your mouths." Instantly, the two girls turned their heads and retreated silently muted as if the Prince had already done that.

His attention drew him back to a pie, everything in him saying to mix it with some cheese and goat milk. "Don't make threats unless you are to carry them." The Allfather could not help it. Loki never lost his temper with the servants this fast before. A Prince should know better. But then again, he is no Prince of Asgard. "A friendly advice from a father to his son, try something healthier."

Thor closed his eyes and muttered under his breath. "Oh, boy."

"You are gaining weight and your body is starting to show that."

Not even ten minutes in the Allfather's presence and Loki was already fuming. "Are you calling me fat?" He hissed narrowing his eyes at the other, his magic acting without control as a few items around him began to levitate. It was a known fact that mages during pregnancy have little to no control over their magic when their emotions take over their judgment.

Thor whispered to his mother leaning towards her. "Shouldn't we intervene?" Like... before Loki blows something up or jumps at their father's throat with a knife? Not that it wouldn't be an unusual day so far, but with his brother carrying their twins inside of him, Thor has grown extraoverprotective. He doesn't want Loki to be under any kind of stress.

Frigga chose to scold him instead. "Darling, the deer does not go where the lions fight. I thought you knew better than that."

The warrior faked hurt. "You're hurting my feelings, mother."

The Queen rolled her eyes unfazed. "Please. If I wanted to hurt your feelings, I would have started with your hair."

Now, Thor was really hurt. "What's wrong with my hair?" His golden locks are legendary and beyond beautiful. Very appreciated by females as well.

"You need to have it cut, obviously. You look like a wildling who recently came to civilization and tries to adapt."

Slamming his hands on the table, gaining his mother and brother's attention as well, Loki rose from his seat and stormed out of the room. A cold silence took over the room, neither daring or knowing what to say. The doors slammed back open as the younger God returned for his plate taking it with him before leaving, for good this time, slamming the doors behind him with his magic.

Everyone present in the room, but the Allfather, flinched. Another moment of awkward silence followed, then Frigga turned to her husband. Knowing no one else in the realm, not even her son, would dare to even think of it, she voiced it out loud. "You just had to open your mouth, didn't you?" If there was anyone in Asgard who could talk to Odin Borson like that and get away with it, it was the Queen Mother.

* * *

 He stormed out of the room and growled at everyone he was passing by when they were looking at him. Mostly servants they were and they immediately looked away or talked to each other. He needed peace, he needed a quiet place, more food, and to be left alone for a while to calm his nerves. The library? No. Thor, Valhalla bless his soul, would look for him there to make sure he is alright.

His room? No. Not only he shared it with Thor, but his mother certainly will seek him there. Walking down the halls, his steps echoing firmly, he set his mind to go outside beyond the gardens. Usually, when he left the castle, he would do it with his brother in the presence of at least two more guards and he never went outside in town anymore. Not a step beyond the gardens.

Thor may have forgiven him, Frigga may still love him and Odin may have freed him... but he is a criminal in the people's eyes and he will continue to be many hundreds of years from now. They hate him for what he had done and they do it with the same passion as they worship his brother... not that he blames them anymore. Loki hates himself and blames himself more and more every day.

Maybe if he had been a better person in the past now he would be the proud mother of four beautiful children instead of an almost mother.

The former prince of Asgard stepped out with dignity, holding his head high, while politely ignored the whispers around him. No one really believed he'd ever go outside on his own, yet there he is! He smirked and delighted himself with a cupcake. Walking down the path that led to the village nearest the castle, that specific place in case the situation escalates over his current self-protection abilities.

On his way, he almost ate all the cupcakes and seriously considered returning to the castle's kitchens. The villages, peasants in general, had such terrible foods and poor cooking skills (for his taste) that pregnant as he is, he would never eat anything from them. "Hey, give it back! Jognar, give it back to me!" Startled from his deep thoughts by the high pitched voice, he raised an eyebrow and approached the scene.

A girl, who couldn't have been older than a hundred years old, was facing two other boys, both older than two hundred who looked nothing like each other. One of the two (Jognar from what he gathered) held a ball above his head grinning down at the yelling girl with dark-haired braided in two ponytails. Apparently, the two boys not only they took advantage of their superior sex, but age and strength as well, taking in possession something from someone who couldn't win against them in a fight.

Smart.

"I suggest you give it back to her, you have your friend to play with while she doesn't." Loki always loved how children took in his height, staring at him in awe. "It's only fair that she gets to keep the toy. It's not her fault the toy is more entertaining than your friend." He grinned and ate another cupcake, giving them a pointed look not to push it anymore unless they wanted to suffer the consequences. 

The more daring boy of the two crossed his arms over his chest. "And if I don't, what are you gonna do?" Trying to put on a brave and a brave act in public just impress other people may not be the best choice when the one against you is the God of Mischief himself. The color drowned from the boy's cheeks when he felt something moving against his leg, Loki's grin only grew bigger.

His heart began to race and his brave act ended with a curtain call as he slowly turned to look at his inferior member. A relatively small snake, at least for the only adult present (he thought it was big enough for the boy anyway), green looking, wrapped around his leg in a circle from the ankle up to the calf. Jognar looked at the snake, the snake looked back at him, one hissed and the other screamed.

Loki quietly chuckled to himself as the boys (both him and his friend) screamed (more snakes crawled on them, but never higher than the calves or bigger in size than a branch) in fear and tried to shake them off. Seeing there is no chance to succeed, they ran away still screaming, throwing the ball in the air. The Trickster was certain now that the little girl will never be bothered by those two boys again.

"That should do it..." The snakes that remained behind turned back to what they truly are. Stones. Who doesn't love a little magic in their lives?

"Thank you, sir." The big-eyed girl beamed at him, hugging him tightly. The small child was barely taller than his belly, yet her fierce hug made him feel he was hugged by his brother. He smiled down at her and patted her head gently. "Stupid Jognar always bullies the kids at school because his father works as a lumberjack, he cuts down giant trees in one ax swing and he is very powerful." 

"If he bothers you again, tell him that I am one name calling away." He told her. "Cupcake?" He had only two more on the plate and he couldn't wait to throw it away. She gave him a wide full teethed smile (and he fought the urge to laugh at the missing ones) and took the sweet treat without letting go of him. Loki always had a weakness for children and ever since he started losing them one by one, they became sacred to him.

One eye falling on the ball on the ground, now broken, and simply waved his hand managing to return it to its former glory. "There. Isn't that better?" He thought it was. But children change their minds as much as a pregnancy changes one's moods. She lifted her head and looked at him jumping up and down.

"Play with me, sir. Please. I promise I'll even let you win a couple of times." Loki chuckled. It couldn't hurt to spend with her some more time since in a few minutes together with her, he found her company much more enjoyable than Odin's.

"Erika! Get back here right this instant!" A woman furiously marched towards them, instantly ripping her away from Loki and pushing her behind. The mother looked at Loki heated with hate. "You stay away from my daughter, Midgard wasn't enough and now you're coming after us? Are you here to kill her?" She didn't want to know what would've happened to her baby girl if she hadn't come to her rescue.

"It's a misunderstanding." For the first time in his life, he did not want to trick anyone. He just wanted to... protect a child... And he ended up scaring another two...

"Mommy, he helped me." Erika cried defending her newest friend.

"No, sweetie." The mother cupped her cheeks, sad to shatter her daughter's dreams. "He tricked you to own him something in return, that's what he does. He is vile and evil and will let you die if saving you meant he will be held back."

"I'd never... Not her." Not a child.

The hate was back in her eyes when she looked at him again. "Midgard doesn't want you. Jotunheim doesn't want you. What makes you think we would ever want you again after everything you did to us? Do you have any idea how terrible we felt when you were released? You should have died. I don't want my child to live in the same fear as I did. Don't you _dare_ ever approach my daughter again!"


	16. Chapter 16

By the time his brother returned, he knew something bad happened. It was in his body language. In the way he looked down (usually he'd keep his head high and proud), the unshed tears in his eyes, the way he had one hand on his stomach (his bump covered very well by his tunic), the way he frowned with a thousand questions and realizations running in his mind per second and the... defeated look he was wearing.

Thor gathered him in his protective arms and kissed his head lovingly, wishing nothing more than to take the other man away somewhere far enough to never be bothered by anyone else ever again, and led him to a table where he sat the mage down. "Talk to me, brother..."

Loki breathed heavily. "I am having second thoughts about this pregnancy..." Thor wanted to throw back his head and groan. What was wrong now? Everything seemed to be going so well. Their healer confirmed three times so far that the twins were developing well, although they hadn't made it past yet in the womb more than their other children did and both of them knew very well if the miscarriage doesn't happen they can still day at birth.

But Thor didn't. He calmly took in his lover's words. "Why?" It wasn't a demand for an answer or anything else that might cause the other more emotional discomfort. It was just a simple question. He couldn't help but feel a little happy although, Loki was coming to him with his problems instead of trying to deal with them on his own. This is some kind of a step forward... right?

"I went to take a walk... outside." He paused before continuing. "Beyond the gardens." Thor closed his eyes and let out a long breath. Of course. Someone must've been speaking their mind about his brother to him. And by the way he was shaking in his chair, probably without even knowing it, it was something that had hurt him deeply.

"Who was it?" He growled, hands gripping Mjolnir so hard his knuckles were turning white. "What did they say to you?" He was feeling quite destructive tonight... murderous even. He wanted to find out who had his brother become so upset and give them the punishment he saw fitted.

The younger God shook his head. "It doesn't matter." It really didn't. Because it wasn't just a significant person, but an entire collective. "And I realized that it doesn't matter if we have these babies or not. As long as it's me who is having them with you, we're taking a risk of having them treated like me and not like you." He'd rather die than live to see that happening. "Hear me out, Thor." He pleaded.

Thor slammed his fist against the table, the one not wielding the hammer, unwantedly startling his beloved. He didn't want to scare him, but he is very angry at the moment. Getting up he walked around the room growling to himself. "I'll call for a meeting. I'll have them all bow before you!" 

Loki gave him a sad smile. "Do you hear yourself? You can't make them all love me when all they want is to spit in my face and have me banished." They would only end up hating him more. "I don't want my children to be shunned because they are mine." His green eyes fell on the floor while wrapping his arms around himself. "I don't think I could stand seeing my babies get hatred looks just because they exist."

The God of Thunder returned to his lover and took him in his arms once again, burying his face in the other's neck. "I love you." He said firmly, his hold on the Trickster tight. "Do you hear me? I love you." _And I am so sorry I cannot do anything to help you. You're withering away before me and there is nothing I can do for you._ He felt so guilty for being so useless.

Loki slightly pulled away and pressed a shy and gentle kiss on the other's lips. "I know..." _And I don't deserve it._ "I know..." _I never will._ "I'm planning to head towards my appointment. How about you join me this time?" He didn't really, but the babies are literally their only healing right now. Thor was much brighter when they were brought into discussion and this time was no different than the others.

"Nothing would make me happier."

At the healing room, everything went normal, following the procedure and all that. (A complex thing the Asgardian had understood very little of and honestly didn't care too much about. He was only interested in the bottom lines.) Lyla, the healer assigned to watch over Loki's pregnancy, someone he had grown very quickly to like, said the twins were growing and when she said she could hear both heartbeats clearly, Thor had tears in his eyes. 

It seemed so unreal.

Until reality had blasted them again. "May I have a word, my Prince?" A quiet whisper between the two of them had Thor's hands sweating as he gulped and nodded slightly. Obviously, what she wanted to tell him, Loki was not to know. He hated that because he hated keeping things from Loki. They retreated outside under the pretext that she had some questions on their sex life.

Loki shies away when this particular subject comes into discussion, but Thor is an open book and a _very_ detailed one as well. This way he was not going to ask too many questions, being more embarrassed than curious. Once they were a safe distance from the room, she got straight into the subject. "I think I figured out what caused him to have so many miscarriages."

She took a breath. "At first, I told myself that some people are very unlucky and that your brother is one of them. Then I started to think about it more and more because these two are developing very well, which should have been impossible for the body to carry again after four losses in a row. Especially twins. They should have been long gone, so I did some research."

"Given that he's a Jotun, Loki is very fertile which is why he got pregnant so many times, probably many more times than he knows, but he is no ordinary Jotun and there is the true wound... His size is smaller than any other Jotun ever registered."

"Which is why he can't carry them." Thor concluded with a shudder, his heart going to his brother and the pain they went through together. His mind was racing and his heart hurt from the painful realization. "He can get pregnant, but he can't carry them because his body is not fit for that."

"Exactly. Frost giants, the name alone gives away that they carry inside them giants. But Loki is no giant and neither were his children, or they were and his body couldn't take it. That one I haven't solved yet. What I managed to find out though... I'm really, really sorry for you both... The twins, they survived far longer than I expected and the fact they keep developing normally..."

"He might lose them?"

Lyla gave him a sympathetic look. "Not both... one of them. There is a fifty-fifty chance that one of them might die during birth because the body can barely carry a single one throughout the nine months."

"What about Loki?" Thor asked with a trembling voice. "What will happen to him when he gives birth?"

"This... this is what I wanted to talk to you about..." He could see the pity in her eyes and he prepared himself for the worst. "The twins, because they are two, they are protecting each other. That would be one way to put it. But when the time comes, and you need to discuss this with him, I think I might be able to save them both... but it will be beyond my powers to save Loki as well."

The Avenger felt the ground running from under his feet and he collapsed against a wall breathing heavily. "What you are asking me... is to choose between saving my Loki or my children, while... losing the other?"


	17. Chapter 17

Thor watched the sun going down from the balcony of his room, clutching the stone bars in his fists. Inside, Loki stood in their bed under the covers with his knees to his chest and his chin resting on them. Both stood in silence like that for hours and delivering the dreadful new. One felt entirely defeated and the other enraged. "I can't do this."

He wished to be one with the sun, so he could go down and let children rise. Torn between doing what he felt and doing what's right, Thor wanted to be the one to die. That way Loki could enjoy motherhood, the children will live both, Asgard will have a possible heir, Loki will get the respect and acknowledge he deserves, and everyone will be happy.

"Please." Loki looked at his back, eyes wet with unshed tears. "You have to..." He paused to swallow nervously. "Make the right choice." Both of his arms were wrapped around his stomach protectively. His little ones are growing in there and he will never be able to see them open their eyes for the first time. He will never get to hold them... kiss them goodnight and sing them to sleep.

To raise them.

To be there when they take their first steps, hear them say their first words, stay by their bedside when they are sick, watch them grow up and eventually find someone to fall in love with, sit on the throne and rule. Or just the simple laid back afternoons when families only cuddle together and enjoy the moment... He will not be there...

A part of the stone broke in his fists. They were shaking badly while he kept his head lowered. "I can't..." He hissed, gritting his teeth with fury. Hate directed only towards himself and his inability to do something else but wait, and when the time comes, make the choice that will define the rest of his life.

"Yes, you can."

Thor sharply turned around, eyes blazing, his knuckles turning white. "Do you hear yourself?" Loki gave him a sad smile. "Do you hear what you are asking me?" There were tears in his eyes, his voice tight with emotion. "To choose between you and our children?" Saying it out loud was just as painful as thinking about it. He wanted to stop the time and never move forward again. The future only holds pain.

"I am not asking you, I'm telling you." Loki said more firmly before his voice broke again. "If I lose them..." He bit his lip nervously, trying to find his words. "Thor if I wake up, I will never forgive you... Can't you see that I'm dying either way?" Either he dies giving birth or he dies of a broken heart, his death is still coming for him. No resurrections this time.

Blue eyes fell onto the floor "Even if I do that..." It felt so hard to speak at that moment. The words were barely coming out. "Even if I chose them... Nobody is assuring me that both will survive. How can I stand that?" He was unable to hold his tears back anymore. "How can I lose you and possibly one of our children? How will I be able to look at one without asking myself why there aren't two?"

"You have to..." Loki said softly, he pitied the man before him. He couldn't imagine what his life would be like if his brother died. "Thor, I love them. I promised myself I wouldn't fall for them, even when I didn't know they were two, but it was just as sincere as my promise to stop trying to take over Midgard..." And his eyes fell again, whispering to himself. "I love them so much."

"And what about me?" The warrior cried. "I love you, Loki. I love them too and I cannot live without either of you." Tears were rolling down his cheeks. "How am I supposed to raise them alone? How am I supposed to react when they starting asking about their mother? What if they start blaming themselves for your death? ...How do I stop that?" _How am I supposed to live without you?_

"You will tell them it's what I wanted. You will manage to raise them just right, you will have mother by your side and an entire realm. Tell them how much I wanted them to see this world that I was willing to sacrifice myself for that. Tell them that I have lived my life and now it's their turn. I love you, and I know you will do a much better job than anyone would expect you to."

The God of Thunder furiously wiped his cheeks of the salty tears. "This is not fair..." He muttered, dropping down at the end of the bed, holding his head in his hands. Loki moved towards his brother, hugging him from behind, gently kissing his wet cheek before leaning his head against the other man's back.

"Nothing has ever been fair to us." Guiding the larger hands towards his belly, he kept a tight hold on them. "But this is not about what's best for us anymore, this is about them and what's best for them." Freeing one hand, he turned his brother's face towards his and pressed a long soothing kiss on his lips. Thor kissed him back as if it was the last time he would ever be able to.

Wrapping his arms around the other's neck, Loki guided Thor on top of him on the bed shedding his clothes. "You have helped me a great deal, making me imagine what it would be like... I imagined and I was so happy in those moments. Let me do the same to you... Visualize with me, my love." He kissed the man lovingly, laying under him.

"Imagine if we have two warriors like you." Loki smiled as Thor buried his blonde locks in his shoulder, shedding his own clothes. He could feel his arousal at the thought of that. So, the mage kept going. "Imagine them having your bravery, your witty attitude, jumping to battle before the battle even begins." He chuckled at the image, knowing very well just how possible that was. "They will be the greatest rulers Asgard has ever known."

If the twins don't end up being girls both.

The Council of Asgard was very traditional and had very strict rules. Every Asgardian King or Prince to become King must have at least one male heir to pass the throne on to. Girls were not allowed to become Queens unless they married the Prince or King of another realm. It was part of the reason Hela became how she is today. The day the Council refused to crown her, she snapped.

But even if they end up having twin girls, Loki knew that Thor will love them with all his heart. It was part of the reason he was not scared of dying, knowing that his legacy will be protected, safe and loved as long as his brother was alive. The Trickster gasped as his brother entered him, clung to the man above him continuing his plan. "Imagine if we have a trickster and a warrior. Brother of mine."

A smile lit up his face. He would love to have one of the children end up being a trickster just like him. "One just like you and one just like me." History all over again. With a loud grunt, Thor picked up the pace. As the younger God had suspected, the older one was all about business tonight instead of the usual lovemaking, careful preparing and such. "One would give you grays and the other would save you from them."

"...Imagine if our twins end up being both tricksters."

The Thunderer's thrusts became rougher and faster, greedily taking what he wanted. "You will never have a boring day in your life again." Loki panted into his ear. "You will never know again what it is like to rest because you'll know if you don't watch them both they will turn the castle upside down." Thor let out a choked whine, biting his lip hard, his face still buried in the space between his lover's neck and shoulder.

He was almost there.

Loki closed his eyes and moaned, at this point struggling to get the words out. "With two tricksters you will never truly know which one is which until it's too late. Starting with you, people will be pranked every hour of the day... You will try to be upset, while you and the children will know better that you are not. At the end of the day, you will laugh with them, so much and so loud that with time you'll even forget I ever existed..."

With a wild cry, Thor came inside him loud and fast. He remained collapsed in and on his Loki. The younger Prince could only hold the future King of Asgard in his arms as the man sobbed his eyes out in his neck.


	18. Chapter 18

The months passed by, far too fast for Thor's liking.

Each day for him did not mean anymore a day closer to meet his children, but a day closer to lose either one, both, or Loki. Or, who knows? Maybe all three of them at once. Growing visibly saddened and depressed, Loki did his best to make him feel better by talking about how the children will be, with whom he thinks they will look like more, taking his hand and placing it on his stomach when one of them moved.

It all started with a believer Thor and a suicidal Loki and now it is a depressed Thor with a confident Loki.

A confident Loki who imagined his children in every possible way, their eyes, their faces, their noses, their ears, their behavior... The God had it all in his mind, oblivious (perhaps ignoring) the fact that if the two of them come out, he will not be as lucky as them. Every morning he checks himself in the mirror, turning sideways and many other angles too, measuring his belly to see if it got any bigger than the day before.

There had been a couple of close calls when he almost lost them both. He never prayed to the Gods, begged them for mercy, harder than he did in those moments. Luckily for him, he did not leave the castle anymore and always had someone by his side be it a servant, or his brother or Lyla herself (one time the miscarriage almost happened during a checkup).

And he was over the moon when he was told as well that his twins survived for so long in the womb because they have been protecting each other from the beginning and that they still are. Nowadays, he likes to rub his stomach and tell them what a proud mother he is already even though they have not officially met. He tells them that he loves more than anything and anyone and laughs joyously when he feels a kick.

"I love you more than Thor."

"Hey!"

Loki laughed and ducked his head at a paper plane (Midgard and its inventions) never meant to hit him. To instruct him for the time he will be declared King, The Council decided to have the warrior participate in as many meetings as possible. Thor thought he died and went to Hel where he was condemned to be bored out of his mind. And the _paperwork._ Good grace! And to think he once wanted this!

His brother had himself committed to the motherhood life wanting nothing else but to look after his children... _When have the tables turned?_ Thor asked himself. Months ago he was the one convinced that this is it, the pregnancy that will finally end with them being parents and now he is the one who fears for the worst every day of his life. The time to make a decision that will change both of their lives forever approaches.

And it's all on him.

To choose between the man he loves more than his hammer and the children they so desperately wanted to have. They have been trying for so long, they have been disappointed so many times, that the idea of actually having children seemed just a beautiful dream and nothing more. Now he has to choose between saving his lover or making their dream come true... How did it all come to this?

"By now we could have long known what we are having." The blond Asgardian remarks walking up to his lover, placing his hands on the swollen stomach. He smiled when he felt two kicks against them. "Come on, now. Give your mother some peace." The younger God rolled his eyes. The only time Thor seems genuinely happy nowadays is when he speaks to the babies.

"The simple fact that this pregnancy lasted so long was the biggest surprise of my life. I want to be surprised by their genders too." Was the simple response. Thor opened his mouth to protest against that argument, but Loki raised a finger. "I am the mother, so you have no saying in this." And Thor remained silent, the smile never leaving his face. The ultimate argument that he has no reply to.

Rising from the bed, with quite some effort, the pregnant God wanted to see Lyla and discuss with her the final details of the birth process. On his way, he met with someone who by his simple presence already ruined Loki's entire day.

"Allfather." He acknowledged coldly. "Where is mother? I haven't seen her in quite a while, I hope she's well." Her absence might have to do something with him telling her that it would be best if she would not be around when the time to give birth comes. She was already deeply upset by the news that no matter what she is losing either a son or a grandchild and Thor and Loki both decided it was best not to have her around for the birth.

Still, he missed her. And he missed talking to her. And he was also upset that she was not there to feel at least once her grandchildren actively moving and kicking. Possibly one of the twins sensed their mother's sudden mood change because Loki felt the most powerful kick in his stomach since they started moving around. "We need to speak of your children. The Council wants to know if there will be an heir for the throne or not."

Loki raised an eyebrow before giving the fakest and brightest smile. A mocking one rather. "Of course, one is ' _Go to_ ' and the other is _'Hel'._ I hope that clears up everything." Taking a few steps forward, as soon as he passed Odin, his hands went to his stomach and his brows furrowed in pain. Why are they so aggressive all of a sudden? And he tried to calm himself, escape the negative energy, hoping that they will calm as well.

"Loki."

The God sharply turned around. "You will not get your dirty blood covered hands on my babies." He hissed at him, a window nearby them breaking into pieces which fell at their feet. "Neither will The Council." With a wave of his hand, Odin repaired the broken window. "And what if I end up having girls? What will The Council do then? Hmm?" Odin sighed heavily. Why did his son have to be so difficult?

"They will find Thor a suitable wife to bear him a son." It wasn't anything new. It wasn't anything proposed and accepted last week purposely to upset Loki. It was the Asgard's main and oldest rule since it was formed. But then, of course, things have never been easy with Loki and he is probably partly to blame for that. He was more Frigga's boy than he was his anyway.

Loki's were blazing with fury at him and he opened his mouth to yell and curse Odin until the sun sets, but instead of an angry yell, a scream of pain left his lips as he clutched his stomach possessively and fell to his knees. Odin was at his side trying to help him stand, calling for the guards, and Loki screamed once more when he felt himself entirely wet from waist down terrified that he was miscarrying.

Cracking one of his eyes open to slightly look down at his feet, the color from his face drowned as the small pool was not made of blood, did not have a single drop of it, but of a strange transparent liquid. Two guards came at Odin's command, immediately helping Loki to his feet, and out of the Allfather's grasp, each holding one of his arms. "Take him to the healing room and call for Lyla and Thor at once."

Realization hit him eventually. Despite his pain, ignoring how weird he looked with wobbly legs, wet from waist down as if he failed to reach the bathroom in time, and his head shaking from side to side, a dazed giant smile covered his face as he was taken away.

He was going into labor.


	19. Chapter 19

Thor bursted in the room panting hard after running all the way there faster than lightning. At first, he considered calling Mjölnir and flying there, but he decided soon against it and took off running. He didn't want to startle the healers or the assistants, his brother would have probably ignored him if he did that. "Loki!" He rushed to him falling at his bedside. "I'm here. I'm here, Loki."

"Calm down you crazy ape." The God yawned with his forearm over his eyes. "I just went into labor, you didn't miss anything interesting." Removing his arm, he looked at Lyla and asked her. "When is something interesting going to happen?" Not that he didn't love having his children inside him where they were safe and protected, but from the wild way they were kicking a few moments ago, they definitely wanted out.

"In two minutes from now, whenever you want it." The Healer answered him while instructing her assistants on what to do. "Because you lack the equipment, I'll have to cut you up. But we already discussed that." She was just rewinding their decision. "I can definitely save the first child, being protected by its twin, but we'll have to act very quickly to take the other one out too. Once left alone it will be attacked by your body."

Loki looked at the ceiling silently praying for the forgiveness of the second child. He never meant to hurt them. He loved them more than anything! "But it will be beyond me to save you as well, my energy will be completely drowned from saving both of them. Having no child left to attack, your body will start attacking you..." She slipped a pair of gloves on her hands "Or... I can save you and possibly one of them. But not both."

"Isn't there anything I can do to help? Anything at all?" Thor asked with a grave voice. He didn't want to lose the man he loved above everyone else and neither the children they have been trying so hard to have. To make everything worse, if Loki survives and the children do not, as twins, as two people instead of the usual one, they will damage his body hard enough to leave him infertile afterward.

Thor never felt more useless in his life that he did now. Much to his distress, she shook her head. "While your powers _might_ be enough to save the three of them, you lack the necessary medical training to keep their hearts beating."

"Thor. You know what to do." Loki said firmly. "Thor, save them. _Save them."_ He didn't want to wake up. Not if it meant losing his babies. "I've always complained in the past about you choosing other people in my favor." The last word came as a grunt as he felt yet another powerful kick. "Brother, this time, I'm begging you, choose them over me..." Speaking to Lyla, he told her on full fight or die mood. "I'm ready."

He was ready to die.

The blonde woman nodded and pulled her hair back securing it with a hairclip into a ponytail. She gave him a potion to drink meant to lose sensation and awareness so he will not feel the cut, then an assistant drew a red line where the cut was to be made. They waited in silence for a full minute, for the potion to make its effect. While waiting, another assistant inserted a tube on Loki's member to drain his bladder.

A unique kind of gel, used only for this type of births, was spread on the lower part of his abdomen. They took his pulse, counted his breaths per minute, then announced that the potion made its effect and that it's alright to begin the procedure. Thor took his brother's hand in his and kissed his palm. "Choose them... Save them..." There tears in his blue eyes already. He lowered his head, resting his forehead on top of their hands.

He didn't want to see his brother being cut like food at dinner. He could watch and watched a lot of things from horrible to disgusting. But this was not something he could watch. Not when it was about his Loki. Loki felt tired, his eyelids just as heavy. Like he wanted to take a long nap, but he couldn't. He felt the blade penetrate him, but the cut felt as if it was done on something else than his stomach.

He could only watch, light-headed, as the blood stained the sheets. If he didn't know better, he would have that it wasn't his. Using her magic, Lyla dived into the gash with her hands to grasp the first child doing her best not harm one twin or the other. Removing the umbilical cord, one hand touched the other child to protect it while the other grasped the first child.

The first child that responded to her magic was who was meant to be the older one. Lyla focused more than ever, having to pull the older child out while making sure the younger one does not die instantly. It almost took her entire magic out of her, but in the end, she made it. She pulled out the first child, cradled it into her arms and quickly handed it over to an assistant. "If I don't hear a cry in the next minute, don't bother coming back."

Loki wanted to cry because he didn't hear a cry. Thor paled at the sight and nearly crushed Loki's hand. At least, he didn't feel that. He tried to speak, but his mouth only hung open with no words or sounds coming out. He only managed to see a patch of black hair. Why wasn't he hearing any crying? Beads of sweat could be seen on Lyla's forehead as she panted hard.

"Make a choice... tell me. Which one should I save? Tell me now before I collapse and you will lose them both." As long as she was breathing and aware, there could be something done. Thor looked at her and Loki muted. Desperation grew in Loki's heart as she dived into the wound again to grasp the other child and protect it. "Tell me!"

_Save them. Save them!_

Thor closed his eyes and let his tears fall, uttering two clear words. "Save him!" Loki's eyes widened with shock wanting to scream. The Healer nodded and slowly began to remove her hands as Loki's vision began to get darker and darker. _No... No. No. No!_ The last thing he saw before he blacked out completely was his mother bursting through the doors.

...

...

...

Muffled sounds. His ears were stuffed. Or at least he felt them like that. He wanted to sleep. He was so tired. A voice was calling his name. If... that was his name. If that voice was calling him. He didn't know anymore. He just wanted to sleep. He was in complete darkness and there were strange spots. He was confused.

So, he went back to sleep.

...

...

...

Everything hurt. It never took this much effort only to open his eyes. Everything from his lower part of the body hurt worse than any pain he has ever felt. Just a thin step behind paralyzation, that's how it felt. His head was dizzy, but he still managed to stir himself awake and open his eyes. This... Hel looked a lot like Thor's room. Possibly that is the plan, to be tortured for eternity in his brother's room. In their bed.

Trying to sit up, he grunted as the sharp pain traveled through his whole body. He was most definitely not dead. Where there is pain, there is life. And Loki is very much alive at the moment. His eyes looked around and found Thor sleeping on a chair dragged almost next to the bed, who stirred awake as well when he heard the pained grunt. Everything came back to him. The pregnancy. The birth... the children.

With one look at Thor, Loki began to cry.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare for the longest and final chapter of this story. I'm afraid our wonderful ride ends here. 
> 
> Huge thanks to everyone who read it, an appreciative nod for all who gave it some kudos and a bow before those who left a comment.

_No... No. No. No._ He closed his eyes, his chest heaving, nearly hyperventilating as the tears ran down his face in waves. _No. Not them. Why them? No. No..._ He felt he couldn't breathe anymore. "Loki?" Thor awoke at the sound of his pain, immediately at his side radiating with happiness and relief at the sight of his brother alive and recovering. "Loki, you're awake!"

He didn't have enough power to even scream. "How could you?" He asked his voice so small he couldn't recognize it himself, shaking heavily. Did not even try to stop his tears, they were falling too hard and too fast anyway. The emotional pain was bigger than the physical one. He wanted a knife to plug into his heart and end his life, for anything was better than his life. Even Hel.

"Loki..." Thor's face fell into a hard expression, eyes searching for answers.

"How could you?" The younger God sobbed into his chest, wanting to push him away and never see him again. Not after consciously letting their children lose their lives.

"Loki!" Thor grabbed him by the shoulders, forcing him to look into his eyes. "I love you. More than anything and you know that." He said firmly, but his voiced lowered. _Liar! If you loved me you would be a father now!_ Moving a hand to the back of his head, he brought it closer until their foreheads touched. There was a soft look in his eyes and Loki wanted to kill him for that.

How could he be so relaxed after murdering their children? How dare he? How... how could he do that? The other hand moved to his cheek to wipe the continuous tears off his pale face. Silent for a moment, Thor leaned in until his lips were next to his brother's ear and he whispered softly into them. "But I just put them to sleep and I will be very upset with you if you wake them up."

Loki sobbing into his chest barely heard his brother. With a surprising force he pushed and looked at Thor with wide unbelievable eyes, the man moved a lock of black hair away and smiled brightly... there were four times in his entire life when Loki cried. Three of them were for the babies he lost. One when he was certain that he was pregnant again... and now the fifth time has come.

But this is the first time in his life when he cried of happiness and not grief.

Wildly pushing the covers, trying to, ignoring the pain that felt like a thousand bolds stabbed into his skin, desperate to see for himself, only half doubting, Loki had to see them with his own eyed, willing crawl there if he had to. Thor gave a soft chuckled and helped him out of the bed and to the crib in the room that was just a few steps away.

Loki gripped the wood in his hands for balance and peaked inside. Two extraordinary looking baby boys were sleeping peacefully in there, one with dark hair and one with blonde hair. "Hi." Loki breathed out quietly, crying even harder, smiling widely. His heart was beating to burst through his chest almost, hardly believing that this was true. Even if this was Hel, he'll take it. "My little ones. Hello, there."

Exhausted and wounded beyond what could be explained in words, it didn't matter anymore. He didn't even feel it anymore. He turned to Thor still in shock, but only for a moment. "How?" He didn't want to look away from his babies not even for a second.

Thor puffed his cheeks. "They were a lot of trouble. This one had trouble breathing at first and the other one had trouble coming out." And they probably will be a lot of trouble in the future too. Luckily for them, their parents will never get mad at them. Just occasionally. "Remember how we told mother she shouldn't be around when the time of the birth comes?"

"I remember..." The mage replied gently laying his palm on one rising and falling belly, fingers caressing the other's cheek. "And she left the next day..." He felt sorry for doing that, having her leave her own castle, and beat himself up for a good month.

"She went to the Holy Mountain where she called upon the ancestors to give her their magic and she spent her time concealing it and mastering it." Loki's tears barely stopped before they started to fall again... his mother... "When you went into labor father brought mother back home and together they combined their magic to save you and our baby."

"And where are they now?" He wanted to know. He wanted to see them, both of them, and fall at their feet with gratitude.

"They are both resting." Thor explained. "We almost lost him because the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck and suffocating him and we almost lost you due blood loss and heart rate drop. It has been a very tiring day for all us, but once everyone is recovered we shall celebrate for a week."

Loki rolled his eyes. Of course, his brother would be thinking about partying... actually it doesn't sound that bad. Maybe he'll join. Mother certainly will. And Asgard along with them. "Which... which one came out first?" He asked, looking marveled at them. Too good to be true and yet here they are. Out and alive.

"He did." Thor replied softly, hand landing on the dark haired boy's head. "His brother was a bit more stubborn. Hardly decided if he wants out or not." He chuckled at his own words, petting the other boy dark blond hair as well. "Umm. We should name them, but I don't have any ideas..." He said sheepishly. "With you fretting so much, a name was the last thing on my mind. Then the number multiplied and-"

"Thor, you already gave him the perfect name and you don't even know it." Loki gently interrupted him, his eyes never leaving their first born or his brother. "One, so beautiful and so fitted he simply cannot be called anything else." Ripping his attention from them again only for a second, he looked at his brother with a bright smile, much more alive than any other smiles he had given in the past. "Our first victory... our Viktor."

"Then I leave this one to you." Thor smiled brightly at Viktor rubbing a finger against their other son's cheek. It was indeed a perfect name for their first son and a great honor for him to have Loki twist his words around so that they created the most beautiful name. He can only do the same in return.

"Gadreel." Loki whispered. "From now, we will call you Gadreel." If Viktor had a perfect name for himself, then so does his brother. Despite their status as twins, they can be very easily told apart. Tears still rolled down on his cheeks looking at his beautiful children. His twins. His babies. "You were right after all..." And he said nothing more, leaving his boys to rest. They had a very eventful and tiring day as well.

"You should rest as well." The warrior indulged gently, already guiding him back to the bed. "They will be here tomorrow and the day after that and for a very very long time." Pausing at the door that leads to the balcony, with the sun setting behind them, he turned to the other and grinned. "We did it." They had their children. They were parents.

Bursting into a laugh quickly muffled, Loki grinned back, nodding his head. "We did it." The two brothers hugged tightly, drunk with happiness, saying over and over again. "We did it. We did it. _We did it!"_

**_A Few Years Later_ **

As the door slowly cracks open, so does Thor's eye. He sees no movement, no clue if someone is entering or leaving. And as realization drops on him on who the intruder, or intruders, might be, he smiles and nudges his beloved awake. "Loki... You have a delivery." The younger one turned with a tired sigh to face his brother. Half awake, half asleep, and mildly confused.

Thor just keeps smiling. Leaning over the bed, he effortlessly picks up their son (who is a giggling mess when his father's giant hands take him by his armpits) and moves him to sit between them. Immediately he turns into a crawling mess. Then Thor does the same with their other son with the same actions and reactions. Loki gives a vibrant smile as Gadreel crawls into his embrace and Viktor goes to rest on Thor's chest.

Loki's hand goes over Gade's blonde hair and they lock eyes for a moment. He could try describing the happiness that he feels in words, but there are not enough words in the galaxy for him to do it. "Strange. I do not recall requesting anything." His gaze goes to his lover and his other son who is busy currently playing with Thor's tag necklace. "What about you, my love?"

"None I can remember of." He responds his eyes never leaving the tiny being (compared to his stature) taking the tag in his mouth testing if the gold is real. It wouldn't be the first time Thor or Loki would forbid them something, and they'd take something valuable and trade it for whatever it is that they wanted in the first place. Loki blames it on Thor's paternal lineage, but the God of Thunder knew better.

Still, he chose to remain quiet.

"Because this is an ambush." Gadreel said sweetly, taking in his fist Loki's tag as well. "We were sent here to take you down so the bad guys can rule over Asgard." Looking at his mother, green eyes met green eyes. One pair shined with love and the other with excitement. "We were promised candy!" The young boy shouted happily. Nothing in the Galaxy was worthy of taking Asgard down as unlimited candy.

"They also sent us because they thought we are cute!" Viktor chimed in, moving to stand on his feet on his father's chest keeping his balance. A position of a conqueror and a conquered. One which Thor didn't mind a bit even given his role. His hand reached up to cup his son's cheek, who giggled at his touch showing his beautiful teeth and leaned into it like a feline.

"That indeed you are." Loki's hand reached to out him as well while still having one arm around Gadreel, taking the small hand into his bigger one, then he turned to Thor with a hopeless look in his eyes doing a perfectly helpless damsel in distress voice. "Oh, darling. What shall we do in this situation? I fear we are doomed."

Thor played along and replied with a grave voice. "I admit, my love, that the only thing I can do is acknowledge my defeat. Those eyes had me bewitched. Do not look into them, for they will do the same to you."

"My apologies, but I couldn't help it. They are so... enchanting." Loki stroke softly Gadreel's cheek bewitched by the two pairs of eyes, green and blue, that he gave birth to. Still amazed with. "How the mighty have fallen. Defeated by two adorable little monsters. Who would have thought?"

"My enemies will be very envious of you." Thor told the twins, admitting his defeat solemnly. He waited a moment to create a more dramatic effect before adding on a lower voice. "But there is something that you have not been warned about."

"What?" The twins asked in one voice tilting their heads to the side. It was adorable how synched their moves were.

"That I, Thor Odinson, will not go down without a fight!" Releasing a battle cry, acting as if it was last power move, the Asgardian turned over trapping Loki under his arms who quickly grabbed Viktor and Gadreel crushing them between their parents' loving bear hug. The twins screamed with laughter trying to crawl for their life, but the Gods would not have it.

Loki laughed along with them and gazed into his brother's eyes with shining love and adoration, truly happy for the first time in years, who returned his love with a genuine smile that could have brought light to a dark room. Both mentally agreed with each other that the wait was certainly worth it.

All was well.


End file.
